On a dark and stormy evening, a young woman (Zazie Beetz) knocks on the door of an opulent hotel.
Allegedly, she is there to start a new job as a maid, however, this woman is not who she claims to be, and the hotel is not what it claims to be either.
Soon, she is roused from her sleep and finds herself besieged in her private quarters by mysterious, hooded figures who have one objective – they want to kill her.
However, the miscreants get more than they bargained for, as the woman puts up a fight for the ages, and while that may seem to reveal what lies in store for the remainder of They Will Kill You, it is merely the tip of the blood-soaked iceberg that awaits within the hotel as the battle stretches into the night, and the night is long indeed.
Blood-spattered and slick, what ensues is a gory and zany cat-and-mouse game, the proceedings led by the charismatic Beetz, and she shoots, chops, burns and stabs her way through her foes in a seemingly endless array of attacks as she keeps moving towards a very specific goal that is the reason for her infiltrating the hotel.
Stylistically informed by the likes of Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill films, the action is well-filmed and kinetic, and is further underlined by Beetz’ physicality and presence, her commitment to the part being as commendable as always.
Tonally, the film starts on a serious note with its prologue, however, it is not long before the tone shifts to a more darkly humorous one, as the truth of the events about to unfold in the imposing hotel are revealed, cementing that this is as much a blood-drenched action comedy as it is a punchy horror film with a kickass heroine at the forefront.
Unfortunately, while seeing Beetz unleash a truckload of whoop-ass on a bunch of evildoers is by definition a delight, the entertainment value of the core concept can only stay fresh and engaging for so long, and with the narrative sitting on a flimsy foundation at best, the proceedings soon grow stale, as gory dismemberment can only sustain its appeal for so long before audiences begin to lose interest and the pacing of this 95 minute film begins to drag.
Characters and their motivations are lacking in nuance and flair, leaving the story as nothing more than a simplistic outline without any sort of depth to make the viewing experience about as satiating as a stale Happy Meal, which in turn also impacts the performances, as they fall short of the potential the players bring to the table, further emphasizing the shallow writing and the tepid aftertaste the film leaves in one’s mouth due to the woefully limp punch the film ultimately manages to pack.
Additionally, They Will Kill You also has the misfortune of competing with Ready or Not 2: Here I Come in terms of capable leading ladies being drenched in blood and gore by diabolical evildoers, and while the sequel to Ready or Not has its own set of issues, it nonetheless possesses more nuance in both its performances and narrative to give it the upper hand in the battle of the badass broads.
An exercise in style over substance, They Will Kill You does not manage to deliver a memorable impact worth revisiting, as it does not utilize the talent it has at hand in a satisfying manner, but if you feel starved for horror comedies with female protagonists bathed in blood, March 2026 has turned out to be a very good month for you indeed.
Verdict: 5 out of 10.
* * * * *
Produced by Andy Muschietti, Barbara Muschietti, Dan Kagan
Screenplay by Kirill Sokolov, Alex Litvak
Directed by Kirill Sokolov
Starring Zazie Beetz, Myha’la, Paterson Joseph,
Tom Felton, Heather Graham, Patricia Arquette
