Dead Man Down (review)

Dead Man Down

Produced by Neal H. Moritz, J.H. Wyman
Written by J.H. Wyman 
Directed by Niels Arden Oplev 
Starring  Colin Farrell, Noomi Rapace, Dominic Cooper, Terrence Howard, Isabelle Huppert, Armand Assante


Film District / Rated R

Dead Man Down. Revenge, love story, two action sequences, the end. It. Was. So. Boring.

Saying the story is formulaic is an understatement. Victor/Laszlo’s family was murdered so obviously he needs bloody revenge. He infiltrates the gang who’s responsible, sends cryptic messages—yeah yeah yeah. I also know my ABCs.

The script of this movie is non-existent. I could have burst during every moment of silence between each word, but that would imply I cared enough to do so.

The characters lacked chemistry and the back-story of the damsel in distress is irrational.
Colin Farrell, you are far more entertaining when you’re scurrying around with worried eyebrows and spewing silly lines in your awesome Irish accent. This whole suppressed Hungarian accent thing? Not even laughably unrealistic.

His counter-part, Beatrice, played by Noomi Rapace, is a basket case with some scars, nicknamed Monster as shown by her apartment door and neighbors. Calling someone a monster might imply that half of their scalp is burnt off, maybe part of the nose is gone and the mouth has a gaping wound that never heals – that’s a monster. A pretty girl with very well placed scars around her eyes doesn’t merit the emotional and sometimes physical beatings from teenagers. I’m sure the kids of New York have seen far worse.

Try again.

Her frantic nature and constant water works got old quickly. And Colin Farrell, who is usually good at being smoldering and violent, is incredibly boring and non-existent as a character.

The bad guys: big, tall, tattooed, not so bright.

Originality in action movies really isn’t even strived for anymore is it? The leader, Alphonse, played by Terrence Howard isn’t menacing at all. He’s scared a lot and gives a few monologues. Yeah yeah yeah—mess with the bull, get the horns.  

Yawn.

I wish I could say something of substance. Truly, I do. But…it was nearly two hours of silent interaction and action-movie gimmicks. There was so much vacancy that when I say, the Dub-step soundtrack was awesome, I mean it.

The only other thing that intrigued me were the gasps and woes from the theater. Why did my fellow audience members sigh at the end? Were they really expecting anything good about this movie? No. No no.