There are some fantasy, science fiction, and horror films that not every fan has caught. Not every film ever made has been seen by the audience that lives for such fare. Some of these deserve another look, because sometimes not every film should remain obscure.
Sometimes, if you feel good, you want to dance come se nessuno stesse guardando…
Mission Stardust (aka 4... 3… 2… 1… Morte) (1967)
Distributed by: Times Film Corporation (in US)
Directed by: Primo Zeglio
Not everything has to be great.
Sure, having Michelin-starred fare for a meal is wonderful, but sometimes, you could go for a fast food combo meal. Instead of hiking in a national park, you’d rather a stroll through your local park. Sometimes, that hot show on streaming that everyone is talking about can wait while you watch reruns of a show you grew up on.
It’s this need to not try so hard (and that’s okay) that’s the genesis of the “so bad it’s good” ideal. You know a film you’re watching right now is not going to show up on anyone’s best-of retrospective, but at the same time that film’s so comfortable with itself that it makes you feel relaxed and willing to just hang with it.
Case in point:
It’s some time that’s kinda-sorta contemporary. We’ve got rockets we can send to the moon and beyond, but otherwise the film’s set very deeply in the go-go-get ‘em professional 1960s, the part of the decade that didn’t get on the bus with Ken Keasey…
We’re there as a briefing is held for dignitaries about the mission of the Stardust, a spaceship being sent to explore the moon. After the launch of the Stardust, commanded by Major Perry Rhodan (Lang Jeffries), leading Captain Bull (Luis Davila), Captain Flipper (Daniel Martin), and Doctor Manoli (Joachim Hansen), we find out what they’re actually going there for: they are there to find an extremely rare metal superior to anything found on Earth, which is being kept secret for now for the sake of world security.
It’s not as much of a secret as they’d thought it was, though: Aware of this discovery is Mr. Arkin (Pinkas Braun). He’s a criminal mastermind with global interests and probably in negotiation to lease an abandoned volcanic island for his secret base should he get this metal. He’s got plans to intercept the mission when it returns to Earth and make a killing with it, and from the look of him “making a killing” probably best describes his normal business practices…
“Normal business practices” does not describe what’s happening with the Stardust, however. As the spaceship goes into its landing routine, the craft is suddenly pulled out of orbit and brought down to the surface. They land intact, but are out of contact with Earth.
Rhodan and his crew manage to trace the source of where the interference came from, and set out in their moon buggy to investigate. They find the source, a large spacecraft of alien origin on the moon’s surface, which vaporizes their vehicle as they approach it. Believing the Earthmen should now be easier to handle, the aliens send out one of their robots to escort the astronauts into the ship.
They are greeted by two human-looking aliens from Arkon, a world 34 million light years away (around thirteen and a half times the distance between here and the Andromeda Galaxy). We learn from Thora (Essy Persson), the commander of the mission, and the scientist Crest (John Karlsen) that their craft has been stranded on the Moon for six months, and that repairs have been difficult thanks to Crest’s illness. As the Arkonians became so healthy that they did away with doctors and the study of medicine (?!?), the aliens find themselves at a loss, and so Rhodan offers to bring in Manoli for a consultation with Crest.
The doctor discovers the disorder: Crest is suffering from leukemia, the side effect of ten thousand years of Arkon’s genetic potential having “dried up.” Indeed, one of the reasons for their mission is to find new races to mix with, a matter Rhodan and Thira discuss in private:
From there, plans are made to help Crest by making a surreptitious trip back to Earth to bring Crest to Mombasa, where the leukemia specialist Dr. Haggard practices. Using the Arkonians’ shuttle craft, they make their way to the Serengeti, where they intended to sneak the alien in, get treatment, and get out.
Unfortunately, the local authorities are soon on the scene when they land in the dessert, which goes as well for the Earthlings as you’d expect:
While the army runs into problems, Arkin and his organization are doing swimmingly. His many connections in the criminal world, and a turncoat he placed among the Stardust’s crew, allows him to get pretty far along with his plan, now shifting from taking rare metals and towards grabbing Arkonian technology. Even if some aspects of his criminal plans are stymied when Rhodan and Bull use their fists to get out of trouble, he still has a few surprises up his sleeve, including effort to use phony medical people to try and hijack the ship…
By the time we get to the point where we have nurses with machineguns going up against robots, it’s hard not to laugh, especially as the film is asking you to laugh along with it, not at it. The movie decided to become a mash-up between The Day the Earth Stood Still and Thunderball, and does not care what anyone thinks because it’s having too much fun.
And its infectious sense of self that propels the movie, giving it an energy that hurdles through like an asteroid passing by Earth. It doesn’t ask anything of you, except that you kick back and take it easy. It knows it’s not serious, with plot points akin to an excited nine-year-old having a really good playtime, and invites you to play along with it, which everyone can easily do.
Well, almost everyone…
The source material from which the film is based are the Perry Rhodan novellas published in West German Heftromanen, premiering in 1961 with new entries still being released today. Over the 60-plus years of the ongoing series, we watch as Major Rhodan leads the first mission to the moon in the far off year of 1971, where he encounters an Arkon ship. Rhodan claims the ship for Earth, and from there, the series continues as Earth becomes star-spanning power, meeting other civilizations, and discovering parallel universes and cosmic power via the “Psionic Web.”
For die-hards of the Rhodan stories, mentioning this film to them will elicit denials that it ever existed, much the same way The Star Wars Holiday Special or Dimensions in Time are abandoned by their fan bases. It’s easy to see why, considering the grand sweep of the written material seems cheapened by limiting the action to Earth, adding gangsters that probably could have fit better in a Bond film rip-off, and relying on cheap looking sets and effects that would have seemed shoddy even back then.
Poster for Italian theatrical release
Not having any experience with the Rhodan novellas, however, allows the viewer to admire how the film makers presented an experience that draws you in. As shoddy as the sets and costuming are, they are imbibed with a continental Atompunk sensibility with a pleasing color pallet that keeps you interested. The score by Anton Abril and Marcello Giombini (including the theme song, “Seli”) keeps everyone in the mood, and doesn’t have to do too much to cover the pretty workmanlike direction and acting from the cast.
Poster for US theatrical release
No, it’s no 2001 or any other sci-fi film about encountering aliens that you put alongside Kubrick’s movie. And it doesn’t want to be; it’s perfectly happy with what it is, and if you’re looking for something to smile at for a while and get caught up in its inviting atmosphere, it will do for you what it sets out to do, and no more.
Not everything has to be great…
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