‘Bullet Train’ (Blu-ray review)

Based on Japanese novelist Kotaro Isaka’s Maria Beetle, Bullet Train is a violent romp confined, as one might suspect, to its titular conveyance. Straying from the source material most especially in its volume of westerners, it stars Brad Pitt as Ladybug, an American assassin code-named for his incredible luck, or lack thereof.

From the get we are to understand that Ladybug is in psychotherapy, working on his character, trying to go with the flow and leave a tumultuous past behind him.

Contracted for a simple smash-and-grab aboard a bullet train leaving Tokyo, he is predictably waylaid in his task by a cavalcade of comic, and violent, misfortune.

His target, a briefcase full of cash, is currently in the hands of two rival assassins from Ladybug’s past, Tangerine and Lemon, portrayed by Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry.

The pair are en route to deliver their briefcase to a Russian mob boss known as the White Death, and wouldn’t you know it, a number of other hitmen and ne’er-do-wells have their own designs on the goods.

Chaos and murder ensue.

Part Kill Bill facsimile, part Train to Busan, Bullet Train moves along at an amusing clip until it doesn’t. Helmed by David Leitch, known most notably for Deadpool 2 and Hobbs and Shaw, it falls into that odd territory of the Tarantino/Guy Ritchie/Elmore Leonard copy of a copy. Similar failures like Bad Times at the El Royale or Lucky Number Slevin come to mind. While it explores a space akin to the John Wick franchise, which Leitch also produced, it lacks whatever spark and verve has kept audiences returning to those films.

Bullet Train revels in the supreme artifice of story with framing devices, montages, and character title cards ad nauseam, all of which can of course be effective in deft hands. Unfortunately, nuance and motivation seem lost upon our storytellers. Recurring themes of “fate” and “luck” are endlessly recycled so that heavy-handed ironic turns might read as puns, and random insertions as something other than lazy writing. If nothing else, it ably substantiates the craft behind a filmmaker like Tarantino; it is demonstrably more than formula, and requires a handle of language and character.

I very much wanted to like Bullet Train. It’s not a sequel, there’s no superheroes in sight, and a violent lark starring a stalwart from the old guard of celebrity sounded like a good time. To that end, Brad Pitt was surprisingly outshined by his supporting cast, who are by far the film’s highlight.

Henry and Taylor-Johnson as Lemon and Tangerine particularly stand out. They’re given the bulk of the Guy Ritchie-esque dialogue (written by decidedly not a Brit) – but they have great chemistry and sell it all the way. Leaden jokes are enlivened by the both of them, and if an ounce of pathos is elicited anywhere in Bullet Train, it’s by those two. Hiroyuki Sanada is unimpeachable as the stoic Elder toting samurai sword, and the always excellent Michael Shannon, though underutilized, finds space for a few standout moments.

Pitt simply does the best with what was given him. Basically, something violent or bloody will occur, he’ll make a crack about being Zen, and then we rinse and repeat for two hours. The endless narrative convergences, as well Pitt himself, both regurgitate the same joke from title card to credits.

At one point Ladybug is confronted with a young woman (who has admittedly tried to kill him) as blood begins to spew from her eyes and mouth. She claws pitifully across the carpet screaming and drowning in her own fluids while Pitt makes limp remarks like, “Do you want a hug?” and “Should we talk about it?” The whole scene, intended as comic, reads bizarrely morbid. It’s a hard sell to care about our leading man after that.

Extras include commentary, outtakes & bloopers and featurettes.

The action itself is passable, with some exciting moments, but a heavy reliance on subpar digital effects mars the experience. Though John Wick and some of its ilk have used splatters of computer blood to good effect, the genre has suffered greatly since the wholesale abandonment of squibs.

As Bullet Train progresses, and more characters and narratives intertwine, we come to understand some higher design is at play. If the final revelations were hammered home at the 90 minute mark, one might have the stamina to find some sense of satisfaction in their synchronicity. As it stands, at 2 hours and 7 minutes there’s just not enough propulsion or pathos to get you there.

*  *  *  *  *
Produced by Kelly McCormick, David Leitch, Antoine Fuqua
Screenplay by Zak Olkewicz
Based on Maria Beetle by Kōtarō Isaka
Directed by David Leitch
Starring Brad Pitt, Joey King, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Andrew Koji,
Hiroyuki Sanada, Michael Shannon, Benito A. Martínez Ocasio, Sandra Bullock