I won’t lie: Few things make me die of boredom faster than a dark re-imagining of a fairy tale.
That’s what I thought when I heard about the upcoming Maleficent starring Angelina Jolie.
First of all, the “dark re-imagining” of a fairy tale is horribly ignorant of fairy tales the way they truly are. These stories, for children, are supposed to be full of danger and evil because you need real stakes for the hero or heroine to overcome.
Children believe in monsters, so their stories must give them monsters. Because they also believe in magic, and magic – spells, love, strength, duty – defeats all monsters. Guillermo del Toro knows; go watch Pan’s Labyrinth again.
Second, these dark re-imaginings are so exclusively goth. In 2014. Is anything authentically goth any more? We’ve been making fun of these fake-tortured souls since SNL did those Goth Talk sketches since 1996. (So long ago that Chris Kattan was funny.) Thank the maker that Grimm stays goth-free and hangs out in hipster haven Portland.
Emo, goth’s offshoot, isn’t what it used to be.
The original goths are all 60. No one really improved on Siouxsie Sioux, attempts to revive Sandman comics just doesn’t feel right anymore, and you can’t be all that outsider when Hot Topic sells all your gear.
So, dark re-imaginings of fairy tales neither are re-imagining anything nor are they truly any kind of edgy.
But that won’t stop Disney, the reason fairy tales in America lost their bite. Tim Burton’s boondoggle blockbuster smash hit Alice in Wonderland has a sequel in the works, and last week, the House of Mouse dropped another teaser for Maleficent.
And I can’t look away. I hate these dark re-imaginings of fairy tales. But I can’t look away.
Look at all that green fire! The overinflated briar patches! The shining spindle’s needle! The horns, that elfin face, those eyes. Even Lana Del Ray’s cover of “Once Upon A Dream” slays me.
I don’t think Maleficent will be good, yet. Trips my I-don’t-know-about-this wires when I see the promos. It’s gonna turn out that she’s evil because someone broke her heart once, isn’t it?
But I can’t look away. Because … it’s her. Maleficent. One of my all-time favorite villains.
What’s not to love about Maleficent?
No character in Sleeping Beauty matches her elegance, her majesty, or her powerful, vampiric design by animator Marc Davis. She’s witty, cruel, powerful, bitchy and terrifying, thanks to a vocal performance by Eleanor Audley, also known as the voice of Cinderella’s stepmother. (For a real treat, check out Audley modeling, in costume, for the character design.)
The sky darkens when she shows up. In her first appearance, she crashes a party better than a Spider-Man villain at a museum charity ball or the Joker at a rooftop fund-raiser. Then, a true gangster, she issues a threat, says no one can stop her, and drops the mic. And it’s a threat that will take 16 years! Hardcore.
Maleficent’s so mean and evil that characters in the movie have a full-on discussion about why she’s that way.
And Maleficent is so powerful that that the hero of the tale, Prince Philip, isn’t smart enough or strong enough to defeat her once she goes into dragon mode, calling upon “all the powers of HELL!” Princess Aurora’s fairy godmothers give Philip magic weapons and call him audibles the entire battle. His horse did more on his own – look at how he soldiers on through those thorns.
She’s so badass that she doesn’t sing a song.
I wonder how, in 2014, Maleficent will be handled in live-action. Jolie is, of course, an excellent get. No doubts about it. But such an arch character – her icy smile, cutting tone of voice, mixing cold-hearted killer with queen bitch – has been played for camp in the decades since Sleeping Beauty was released. With subpar writing and directing, this could go the Joan Crawford route real fast.
But there is hope.
Paul Dini is attached to the script. Dini, the man who reinvented Mister Freeze from a gimmicky Batman villain into a sympathetic agent of vendetta in Batman: The Animated Series’ “Heart of Ice,” the saddest children’s cartoon ever made.
The man who created Harley Quinn and made the Joker comic, ghoulish and ever-deadly. He ain’t afraid of no iconic villain.
Co-writer Linda Woolverton, screenwriter of The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast, definitely knows her way around a Disney villain and monstrous actions in a fairy tale. Scar becomes a Hitlerian figure who bleeds the savannah dry.
But she also wrote Alice in Wonderland. Uh-oh.
And this is a lot to throw on the shoulders of first-time director Robert Stromberg, a visual effects, concept art and production designer on Life of Pi, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Golden Compass and The Hunger Games. And fairy tale “dark re-imaginings” Oz the Great and Powerful … and Alice in Wonderland. Ruh-roh.
At least Maleficent should look amazing, then. Jolie sure does in the role. As Lana Del Ray drones, those green flames swirl and demon eyes flash, there’s a chance.
I hope they do my favorite dragon lady proud.
