Some celebrity couples are over as quickly as they start, others are the stuff of legend and epitomize true love, like Bogart and Bacall.
Other couples fall into their own category, one shrouded in ambiguity and one that is, well, odd.
One such celebrity couple is Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse.
In 1928’s Plane Crazy, the first Mickey Mouse cartoon ever produced (although not the first released), Minnie presents Mickey, who is about to launch his first test flight, with a good luck charm. She makes no secret that she is smitten with him and he, in return, is flattered. Through pantomime, he asks if she would like to be a passenger on his flight.
She is thrilled and, after a few setbacks (one of which involves an uncomfortably close POV of a cow’s udders), the two are flying high.
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| So sweet, so innocent |
At this point, Mickey’s personality takes a turn toward frat boy-ness when his hormonal confidence hits its peak and he becomes a lascivious, little rat.
Mickey makes a move, but the matronly Minnie says no, again and again. Mickey with one option: he must force his affection onto her. The more he demands satisfaction, the more she protests; the more she protests, the more upset he gets because, well, she’s totally giving mixed signals.
For one thing, Minnie gets into his plane as topless as a squeak-ing strumpet, batting those flirty eyes, getting him all worked up and then she acts like Mickey somehow got the wrong idea. Typical female mouse! Squeak her!
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| Remember, if she says “no”, she really means “force yourself on me.” |
Spurned and shamed, Mickey lets his sadism flag fly high when he executes a series of twirls and flips with his plane that put Minnie in some serious danger. As a result of feeling trapped, she opts for suicide and jumps out of the plane. Unexpectedly, her bloomers act as parachutes and she lands safely. Mickey, watching her plummet to earth and thinking, “Holy crap! That squeak-ing chick is squeak-ing crazy!” crashes his plane.
Terror, attempted date rape and airplane wreckage. This counted as their first date.
Normally, Minnie’s friends would have told her to get a restraining order against that walking hormone, maybe get Peg Leg Pete to beat some sense into that little squeak-ety squeak.
Yet, surprisingly, this was only the beginning of a romance for the ages.
After what can only be assumed to be a round of court ordered therapy and lessons on civil obedience, Mickey became more chivalrous, sweet, romantic and less of a squeak. For the first time in 1929’s Mickey’s Follies, Mickey sings publicly about his relationship with Minnie. Through the song Minnie’s Yoo Hoo, Mickey admits that he’s “Got a sweetie” who is, as luck would have it, “Neither fat nor skinny” *whew* and proudly proclaims to anyone who will listen that “She’s my little Minnie Mouse.”
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| Mickey compensates by making some bold claims” From then on, the two were officially a celebrity couple. |
But why, one wonders (because that ‘one’ has too much time on their hands), was there never a Mickey and Minnie version of PickFair (the estate of Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks) or a televised visit from Edward R. Murrow on Person To Person?
The answer is simple: they were never married and could not publicly cohabitate in a scandal-driven, Hedda Hopper world.
How does a relationship that spans eight decades never mature beyond ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’? Is it technically still ‘dating’ if both parties have distinct memories of both the Stock Market Crash of 1929 and the Occupy Wall Street movement?
What exactly is the story behind this famous couple?
One answer is that it was and continues to be a Hollywood sham relationship. These are used for publicity reasons, photo opportunities for the supposed “star struck lovers” to be seen by reporters and fans. Hollywood execs would often create relationships between stars and starlets, relationships that existed strictly in front of the camera and whose only purpose was to put a spit shine polish on bad reputations or to quell some shocking rumors.
Perhaps, Walt Disney made a similar decision out of sheer desperation.
From the moment Steamboat Willie was released, it was evident to the world that Mickey Mouse took sick pleasure in torturing animals. Phonographs shoved into the mouths of goats, the necks of ducks pulled and twisted beyond the physics of nature, a cat swung overhead and released. It was a horror that not even the vets of WWI trench warfare could stomach.
So, what better way to turn public opinion back in favor, but by creating a wholesome, chaste romance between mouse and mouse?
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| No, those are shrieks of agonizing joy. Animals love this sort of thing. |
In return, it can be assumed Minnie was promised leading roles, adoration from millions and, ultimately, celluloid immortality. What she did get were fewer roles as the decades passed, often relegated to cameos that involved her baking a cake or some other domestic chore. Despite her image emblazoned on a seemingly endless stream of licensed products, Minnie Mouse was still just Mickey’s girlfriend.
So, why did she not just realize Hollywood was a boulevard of broken dreams and write a tell-all book that exposed the lies that the public were fed? Why not muster that last bit of integrity and blow the whistle that signals the fall of the house of mouse?
It is safe to assume that these were her intentions and that those intentions were communicated to a boardroom of concerned Disney brass. It is a strange coincidence, then, that Minnie, of all the Disney characters, had a huge resurgence of popularity in the 1980’s and on. Records, a clothing line, a television special that included a duet with Elton John, it seemed that Minnie was suddenly a hot commodity. Minnie finally had the star presence of her own that she had struggled so hard to carve out.
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| “…but I’m a hip 70-year old. I enjoy popular music and contemporary clothing!” |
But, at what cost?
If she dated anyone other than Mickey, she would be cast out of the public’s favor. Coming out isn’t an option, especially for a mouse. Just remember how quickly Fivel’s career tanked after he got caught with Humberto, his cabana boy? No, Minnie knows better.
And so, she continues to pay the price of fame by bravely smiling past the tears of desperation and loneliness, knowing that she will always be Ms. Mouse and never Mrs. Mouse, well aware that, at her age, she is biologically incapable of having a litter.
If you happen to meet Minnie Mouse in person, stop and show her some appreciation. All she’s ever wanted was for someone to love her.
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| You can dress up all you want, Minnie. It just ain’t gonna happen. |
