I got new eyeglasses for the first time in three years.
And as usual, they’re pretty different from the last pair. But the most interesting part of these frames is how chunky they are.
I wanted very conspicuous glasses this time around, and I wasn’t disappointed.
I spend most of this column writing about my experience as a blerd, a black nerd. Sometimes it’s about my blackness, sometimes about my nerdness, and usually about how they intersect. My skin you see right up front. And while the nerd part can be somewhat hidden, the glasses are the giveaway.
In our culture, glasses = nerd.
The Big Bang Theory, with four nerds, wisely went with one guy in glasses.
Modern Family’s resident nerd, Alex, wears glasses.
Part of Dwight Schrute’s wacko nerd shorthand in The Office is in his glasses, particularly since he wears frames with a double bridge.
Look at my column’s avatar: even old-school black nerds such as Rog from What’s Happenin’ and Dwayne Wayne from A Different World knew what’s up.
I’ve worn glasses since I was 3. I can’t remember life without them. (Must have been very blurry.) I’d never do contacts, since I’m not putting something into my eye. My near-sightedness was always tied to nerdery. To think of the numerous times as I kid I was called a nerd, by kids who didn’t even know me.
How did they know? They saw the glasses.
If threatened with a fight, there’s the go-to phrase: “I’ll knock your glasses off.” Can’t count how many times I heard that one, as if it’s a real threat. With glasses on, I’d attempt to land accurate punches, but without them I’d be a whirling dervish that would run toward you, pin you and rain blows upon the amorphous blob that I think is your head. You’d rather I keep my glasses on, trust me.
I’ve never really minded having glasses, and I never felt bad about them from anyone’s taunts. But it was easy to see where the stereotypes about glasses-wearing nerds came from. Glasses don’t mix well with sports, unless you got those silly goggles. Only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar could pull off that look. And most of my roller coaster rides have been blurry.
The only time I dislike having glasses is Halloween.
They clash with whatever costume I’m wearing. No matter how great the costume is, it feels marred by the glasses breaking the illusion. “I’m a vampire! … with glasses.” “I’m Batman! … with glasses stuck in my cowl.” “This! Is! Sparta! … in glasses.” If I could get laser-eye surgery for one night, I’d do it. Face paint gets on them and messes them up, too.
I’ve had many kinds of glasses.
People who didn’t wear glasses in the 1980s never had to suffer the indignity of those tortoise-shell frames with massive lenses. (There I am on the right.) When technology advances allowed for smaller, thinner lenses, I started getting smaller and smaller glasses to make them less conspicuous on my face. In my teen years I had frames of metal and plastic that were John Lennon-style but more oval-shaped, until I had my smallest pair that were all metal, thin and brown. They were barely there.
Over the past few years, something changed about my eyeglass view.
Instead of finding frames that blended into my face, I now wanted ones that stuck out, that hit you before my face did. I wanted different frames, uncommon frames. That means I’ve wandered off into the land of fashion eyewear. The Joseph Abboud frames had wings and clear bottoms. The Nike pair were sporty and violet-blue.
The new frames, picked up this week? Chunk, thick Armani Exchange frames with white accents. Almost went with the black-and-pink combo, but the white was too elegant.
It turns out that I’ve been looking for Clark Kent all along.
But in my case, where my glasses are such a big part of me, I turn into Superman when they go on.
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