Out of all the nerd stuff I follow, toy collecting is the most hidden.
I don’t really talk toys with anyone aside from a friend or two, don’t keep up on the magazines and websites.
But anyone who visits Blerd Manor can’t help but see the bookcase filled with comic-book action figures. And, like my general proclivities, they’re DC Comics guys – mostly Batman and Wonder Woman – and a handful of Transformers and Philadelphia sports stars thrown in.
While it’s a lot of toys, it’s nothing compared to what’s sitting in my parents’ house.
Every toy of my childhood is still there, thanks to my father.
Everything I know about toy collecting, I learned from my father. He fostered my love of toys because he loves them so much himself. There’s no other reason to explain why we’d go to the toy stores every week during the school year, and sometimes several days in a row in the summer.
He told my brother and me stories about the toys he had growing up, from Rocketman and cowboys to his beloved tin knights. He’d set up elaborate medieval battles in which the king always died, and then staged even more elaborate funerals complete with burial in a matchbox. And he still has a ton of electric trains that I’ve never seen, when he used to run tracks through diorama landscapes – before my brother and I were born, of course.
With a father like him, no wonder I’d spend days just setting up G.I. Joe or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He still puts out the Gandalf and Saruman figurines I got him. (He loves the Lord of the Rings movies, and wants to be a hobbitt.)
My dad didn’t talk much about the toys my brother and I had, except for G.I. Joe. But I was disappointed that I never could remember this gigantic G.I. Joe aircraft carrier that captured his awe above all others. He was so impressed with it – but I guess never enough to buy it for my brother and me.
And then the other night, I found it No. 1 in a list of top 10 G.I. Joe vehicles from the ’80s: The USS Flagg, all 7 feet of it, straight out of 1985. So big that you could put all the figures and vehicles from previous years of the Real American Hero line on it, and still have room.
Look at how much it dwarfs all the other toys!
Hence my 25-year quest for this things is ended, thanks to the Internet. The holy grail was found. But it got me thinking about the other holy grails of toys I’d wanted the most.
Matt Trakker and Thunderhawk
I had a crapload of those M.A.S.K. toys, but Trakker and his flying Camaro with gull wing doors. Makes no sense mechanically, was a totally bad-ass toy. No one even dreams of flying cars anymore, right? Somehow the months I went without that toy felt like years. And the day my dad took me to Sears, and it finally was mine? Still one of the happiest days of my whole life.
Teddy Ruxpin
I can’t tell you why I liked this talking teddy bear from another planet, but dammit, I did. And I wanted that cassette tape-playing bear to read stories with me. And even though I did get the more-awesome Casey, a robot who also “talked” via cassette tapes, it wasn’t an alien teddy bear. Sadly, I’d forgotten about my Ruxpin passion, but my brother never did. He still gets at my father about how he never got me one. Maybe he wanted it for himself? I think my love for Ruxpin has passed; I could get one now, but it’s not the same.
Optimus Prime (Generation 1 Transformers)
THE holy grail of toys for me. Was there anyone cooler than Optimus? He was a robot and an alien. He was all-American, too, transforming into a powerful flat-nose Mack truck (not that Peterbilt bull-pucky of today), and colored red, white and blue. He carried a big gun and talked like John Wayne! The only guy we liked more in the ghetto was Soundwave, who basically was Afrika Bambaataa. (Blaster and Jazz, while cool, were too racially coded as black for us to like them.) When they killed him off in the animated movie, my brother and I begged dad to take us home.
But I didn’t have a lot of Transformers growing up, especially the G1’s. Some boys down the block had an Optimus, and every once in a while they’d let me hold it for a minute and then take it away. I had later versions of Optimus, but the real one eluded me. Even when Hasbro put out reissues 10 years ago, I had it in my hand at Toys R Us, but didn’t have the money. But a couple of years ago, I picked up the 25th anniversary reissue, complete with DVD, comic book, and a talking belt buckle. Nerd bliss achieved!
These days, it’s tough having a current holy grail. Everything’s available somewhere. But for now my top demand is for the Sinestro variant in Mattel’s DC Universe line that is costumed in the Sinestro Corps yellow and black. Sure, I find it on eBay, but the adult part of me says I won’t pay $60 minimum for a tiny hunk of plastic. Not yet anyway.
But would I spent the $600 or more to snag my dad his holy grail? That’s the bottom end of what I’ve found for a complete USS Flagg. I showed my dad photos of it yesterday. He flashed that same smile he always did when speaking of it for the past 25 years.
Maybe I can snag one on eBay. Some day.
