A continuation of last week’s post whereby I share my thrilling trip to Disney World (I know, I can hardly believe it myself.)
If You would like to read Part 1 Click Here
Here we go:
Well, it’s hot but that’s what happens when you book a trip to FLORIDA IN AUGUST and don’t seem to pay attention to the whole earth/sun thing so now I am broiling, and thank god we get to spend the entire day outdoors, because it certainly is a treat to smell what can only be the entire populous of the world walking around with no deodorant (note to self: when planning a trip to a destination spot, make sure that you keep abreast on when the rest of the earth likes to take its va-cay, as Disney World seems to be a favorite stop on the “Let’s-shove-it-down-the-yanks-throats-that-we-get-five-weeks-a-year-off-paid-vacation” holiday travel).
The first thing the family wants to do is go to A Bug’s Life 3-D show which would be fine except that I suffer from severe migraines which gets triggered by things like blurry images, so I end up spending the entire show with my eyes closed while kids and parents shriek with pure joy, but at least there’s air conditioning (and random water getting squirted on me…well, I hope it was water).
After the show we head back out into the heat and wander through the various trails of Discovery Island while the humidity soaks us to our underwear (and our ass cheeks begin to chafe in a way that will require our significant others to spread a thick covering of Neosporin between them making everyone feel less-than-human).
A couple of hours of walking around, and suddenly I hear the screams of people from a large faux mountain. Ah yes, it’s the Expedition Everest roller coaster ride I have been anxious to try. I look to the others in my family, tempting them into riding it, telling them that there’s supposedly a Yeti (thinking this information would be the clincher) but no, none of them are willing to join me in an exhilarating few minutes of adrenaline-fueled fun.
Bastards.
We move away from the screaming toward the Kilimanjaro Safaris while I mope (yes, I know I could have gone by myself but half the fun is sharing the experience with someone else). We take a non-scary ride in a truck looking at animals and then depart to various “family-friendly” activities like a water rapid ride that only got two people wet, a petting zoo where I touched an angry pig and a goat, followed by a ride called Dinosaur that was so dark I have no idea what was going on in there.
We leave Animal Kingdom as the sun starts to set. I can still hear screaming from people being terrified by the Yeti. I make a decision, tomorrow will be the day I crap myself in fear on a ride whether anyone else wants to join me or not.
I remind myself to bring a spare pair of underwear just in case.
Day 4: Hollywood Studios
The day does not start out well.
The Great Movie Ride (basically you ride in a large car through various scenes of movies) is broken down and it appears that, even though the park opens at 10:00am, none of the other shows start until 11:00.
The family is getting royally pissed and is beginning to make decisions about complaining to people which means that I’m tense and wishing that I had slipped everyone a couple of crushed-up Valiums in their morning coffee.
For reasons unknown, we end up at a Muppets show (which is in 3-D so I can’t possibly go to it) and so I end up sitting in a snack shop for about twenty minutes until the Fam gets done having fun.
The Muppets seem to have transformed the family’s mood (leave it to Fozzy the Bear to make grumpy people smile) and so we head back out to see the shows that are now open.
And none of them are that interesting.
Okay, so maybe my lack of thrill is due to the fact that I am beginning to get sick, complete with sore throat, the beginnings of a migraine and aches that feel like toddlers are climbing on me. I am getting a bit panicky as our Universal Studios day (which is all gonna be about Harry Potter for me) is a couple days away and if I’m feeling this terrible now, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be horrible then.
So I do what anyone in my position would do when faced with a sickness that will ruin the whole reason they agreed to come on this family vacation in the first place (hint: Harry Potter World), I decide to ride the Tower of Terror and freak my sickness out of me (I was getting pretty hallucinatory right about now).
Knowing that my family would not join me, I gave them a wave and headed for an hour wait for a ride that lasts about two minutes.
As the sun (did I mention it was 98 degrees with humidity?) was beating down on me and spots began dancing before my eyes, I had one coherent thought of “Maybe this is a bad idea considering I’m about to puke” before losing my waking consciousness and wandering with the line of people like a zombie. The coolness of air conditioning woke me back up as I made my way inside the Tower of Terror (where I silently Verped into my mouth and swallowed it back down again due to my body’s inability to control itself anymore).
When my turn was up, I was loaded into an elevator shaft and strapped into a seat where I experienced two minutes of falling down said elevator shaft and then released back into the world where I vomited foam in the corner near the exit (yes, foam).
I headed back to my family and just tried to make it through the remaining hours so that I could perhaps return to the hotel, crawl back into a comfortable bed and then die there.
Which is what I spent the next 24-hours dreaming of.
The conclusion of said vacation will appear next week. May you be able to wait that long as I know you are overwhelmed by my story.
