The Art of the Perfect Locker Note

A few years ago I wrote a piece on the mythos of the locker note that was well received by all of those who live in my house, namely myself and my cat MiMi. But time does an interesting thing when you start re-reading all those lovely writings you did, it reminds you of all the things you left out of it…things that five years later will piss you off to no end and will bug you until you revisit them in another post to rectify the gaping holes within the original.

And the hole I want to fill is namely the art of folding the locker note, an art I’m not sure has survived the technological advancements of the last fifteen years or so, but one that could see a resurgence if the plethora of stone-washed jeans and over-alls I’ve been seeing in stores are the start of an 80s/90s re-do.

Yeah, over-alls are back and I’m not ashamed to say that I bought 2 pairs and now wear them with my old Doc Martins like the old days:

But I digress.

Folding the perfect locker note was just as important as what was contained within it and, depending on your skill set, the more difficult it was to construct, the better chance that your crush might say yes to taking you to the local Dairy Queen and buying you a Dilly Bar (this was my particular fantasy, thank you very much).

So let’s begin with the basic locker note fold:

Easy-peasy right? This locker note style was good for passing in class since it hid well in the palm of your hand.

If that one seems far too simple for you (thanks to your many hours on Pinterest), you can always go for the pull down method (not to be confused with the pull out method, which is an entirely different thing:

Or, if you want to really challenge yourself until you cry, there’s always the “It Looks Easy But It’s Not…Oh God Why Did I Do This?” style:

Of course, if you want to make sure that your crush understands the depth of your longing, feel free to fold your note into a heart:

Although that can come across a bit “Lifetime-Movie-of-the-Week” if you ask me, so use it sparingly.

Feel free to use what you’ve learned here today to send awesome notes to your co-workers, friends or the people you hate (glitter can be added to any of these, just fold them at home where you can wash off the tell-tale signs of your glitter bomb).

Sometimes it’s the handwritten declarations of love that mean the most…especially to those people who need tangible proof that you are stalking them.