Review: DEAD 7 is Rife With Boy Band Members… And That’s About It

Review by AJ Feuerman

There’s something to be said for Syfy’s brand of “bad” movies. Movies like Sharktopus, Sharknado and Lavalantula are out there claiming millions of viewers but they pedal along the fine line of BAD and “So bad it’s good” well enough that they end up being campy and fun to watch.

Unfortunately, SyFy’s latest entry into campy science fiction programming race, Dead 7 does not pedal the line. It falls over the line and lands hard.

The premise was clearly pulled out of a Tarantino archive: After a virus ravishes most of humanity, zombies, AKA the “copperhead” army, dominate the planet, ruled by a strange over-acting “Apocalypta” (MAD TV’s Deborah Wilson) who may or may not be channeling Grace Jones and/or Rafiki from Broadway’s “Lion King.”

The Earth — at least in the part of it we see in the movie — has recessed back to the wild, wild west.

But with motorcycles and Samurai.

And so a team is assembled to battle the walking dead – Backstreet Boys’ Nick Carter, Howie Dorough and AJ McLean; 98 Degrees’ member-turned-stripper Jeff Timmons; NSYNC alumni Joey Fatone and Christ Kirkpatrick; and O-Town’s Erik-Michael Estrada.

Do not get excited – there is no singing, no dancing, far-too-few inside jokes and that’s a shame.

The movie might have benefit from that.

Some of the cameos in the movie may have been more enjoyable if they were more recognizable faces. Who could pick Jon Secada out of a line-up? Or one of the guys from All-4-One?

The song the stars collaborated on, “In the End,” which plays over the end credits, could have been a stand-out from the movie and bring them a little more joy from audiences, except it’s not a really great song and certainly not one you can dance to.

Alas, our dream of boy band all stars choreography is as dead as the performances in this movie.

The movie may have also benefit from not taking itself so seriously. But from the beginning moments, when Timmons poorly pretends to be repairing a motorcycle to when Estrada shows up in a man bun and a kimono, it becomes disturbingly clear that no one in the cast or crew is in on the joke that this whole movie is.

Let’s just conclude by saying: You do NOT want it that way, watching the movie may be “The Hardest Thing ,” there isn’t a glimmer of your “Liquid Dreams” here and you should just bid “Bye Bye Bye” to Syfy’s Dead 7.