Universal Studios
Ever since those pesky scientists became so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they did not stop to think if they should, those darn dinosaurs have returned time and time again to part unsuspecting cinema-goers from their hard-earned cash, always promising that the filmmakers would somehow be able to replicate the magic of Steven Spielberg’s 1993 adaptation of Michael Crichton’s bestselling novel.
Years on from the most recent Cretaceous calamity, which left dinosaurs co-mingling with humans, the prehistoric giants are becoming extinct once more, however, as per usual, there is yet another secret island where the dinosaurs still thrive, and as usual, a wealthy businessman has eyed an opportunity to hoard even more wealth by way of a dinosaur-related McGuffin.
Thus, a ragtag band composed of the aforementioned wealthy executive, a pure-hearted paleontologist, and some tough and capable people head off on an ill-fated adventure, where everything inevitably goes as horribly wrong as it usually does in this franchise.
With its opening portion feeling like a crossover between Jurassic Park and Jaws, there is some intrigue to be found here, as aquatic dinosaurs have not been flogged to extinction as much as their land-dwelling brethren, however, seeing as big studios have a hard time trusting audiences with anything remotely original when it comes to a blockbusting franchise, the open ocean ends up largely serving as a convenient way for the main mission to whisk up a random family stranded at sea, presumably because no Jurassic movie is complete without at least one child becoming traumatized for life.
As the group of random people devoid of any interpersonal chemistry whatsoever eventually set foot on the dinosaur-infested island, they are besieged by the ghosts of great franchise moments of the past, not only of the Jurassic variety, because if anything is better than mindlessly replicating iconic moments from one beloved franchise, surely, it is mindlessly replicating iconic moments from other beloved franchises as well.
Narratively, there is therefore nothing meaningful to be found here, as the premise of Jurassic World Rebirth is essentially the same as the films that preceded it, except any genuine emotion or sense of urgency has been replaced by trite exposition.
As for the visual appeal, while not universally atrocious, the effects are often less than stellar, not least thanks to the studios’s need to spew out new creature designs to boost merchandise sales, even if these new beasts are significantly less interesting than the myriad of actual dinosaurs kids of all ages have obsessed over for generations.
In terms of the acting, much like Michael Caine infamously only agreed to star in the deservingly lambasted Jaws: The Revenge to be able to pay for a house, there are certainly actors collecting paychecks here, and while Jonathan Bailey at least manages to imbue his paleontologist character with some degree of charm, the surrounding players unenthusiastically stagger between being either hammy or wooden, Scarlett Johansson in particular phoning it in harder than E.T.
While not as insufferable as its 2022 predecessor Jurassic World Dominion, Jurassic World Rebirth nonetheless still suffers from the same issues of most legacy-style franchise entries, which leaves you questioning what the point of these films even is at this point, aside from generating revenue by exploiting the comfort we find in nostalgia.
Extras include audio commentaries, alternate opening, deleted scenes, featurettes, gag reel, and trailer.
As such, should you be in the mood for recent blockbusters featuring big lizards, if you want narrative heft, Godzilla Minus One still reigns supreme, and if you want mindless fun, Adam Wingard’s Godzilla films are also a much better waste of your time than this artistically extinct franchise.
Verdict: 4 out 10.
You must be logged in to post a comment Login