‘Izzy Gets the F*ck Across Town’ (review)

Produced by Mackenzie Davis, Meghan Lennox,
Melissa Panzer, Christian Papierniak
Written and Directed by Christian Papierniak
Starring Mackenzie Davis, Alia Shawkat, Lauren Miller,
Haley Joel Osment, Lakeith Stanfield, Carrie Coon,
Annie Potts, Rob Huebel, Alex Russell

It’s been a long time since I’ve had such a negative reaction to a film. Very few times does nothing work.  Izzy Gets The F*ck Across Town is one such movie.

First of all it feels like a leftover from the third tier independent film wave of the mid-nineties.  Back when indie studios were bought by major studios which dumped money into one uninspired film after another (I’m looking at you every film made from 1993-1996 with Eric Stoltz, Craig Sheffer, James Le Gros, Eric Schaeffer, Parker Posey, etc.).

The tepid plot focuses on Izzy, a former musician who’s life fell apart three years earlier when her boyfriend, George, broke up with her and started dating her best friend.  Waking up in a stranger’s bed, she discovers via Instagram that her exes are getting married and the engagement party is that evening.  Her genius plan is to get across the city in several hours to declare her love and reunite with George.

Here’s where things go south.

First of all, it’s one wacky situation after another to get across town.  There are buses, LA Metro, Uber, etc.; I’m not sure where the actual transportation issue begins, but it does allow for a number of cameos (á la Scorsese’s After Hours, an obvious influence).

Second, despite a large number of familiar names, most of them appear on screen for minutes.  The exception is Carrie Coon, who plays Izzy’s estranged sister, Virginia.  They sing a duet together.

Third, and spoilers beware, Izzy makes her way to the party, reunites with George who pushes her away, and she finally reaches closure.  Until, later that night when George knocks on the door, having cancelled the wedding and together they resume their love affair.  Until Izzy gets bored and she leaves George in a movie theater.

Wow, that’s deep.

Keep in mind, the performances are pretty solid through, with most of the blame falling on the shoulders of writer/director Christian Papierniak.  The problem in all honesty lies in the writing.  No character is particularly appealing or interesting.  Both Izzy and George are both so bland and tedious that you’re not only not rooting for their relationship, but also, you don’t really care.

Izzy wanted to get the f*ck across town.  I just wanted the movie to f*cking end.