What Happened to Growing Old Gracefully (Normally) RANT

Hello friends!

Right now I’m watching the last episode of Rescue Me. I was going to write a RANT about it (no complaints – the show is fucking GENIUS), but I realized that it would be full of spoilers, and I didn’t want to wreck it for any of you.

While I’ve been watching, a friend sent me an item on Facebook about some kerfluffle that involves Madonna and something about a fan giving her flowers that she hates.

It was accompanied by this photo. It’s what I call “The early Cher/Egyptian Death Mask look.”

Okay, so what the fuck is wrong with her?

What is she worried about so damned much that would make her do this to her face?

What the hell does she care about people talking about her face?

Sure, so her last album, Hard Candy didn’t do so great, big deal! Remember in 1979 when Hugh Hefner published those photos from when she was a figure model at an art school, and the press asked her if she was worried? Remember what her response was? It was SO WHAT!

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS GIRL?

Hey, whaddya know? Those shots appeared in the LAST PLAYBOY ISSUE WITH STAPLES!

Here she is in 2008. Pulled as tight as a drum. Oh Madonna Veronica Louise Ciccone Penn Ciccone Ritchie Ciccone.

I’m stupified. It’s not like she REALLY needs to be on the top of the Billboard Charts.

Is she in dire need of more film roles?

Is she afraid that she’s no longer a MILF?

I just don’t get it.

1. She’s very, very rich.
2. She had babies with not one, but TWO hot guys (married one of them) who will undoubtedly need a LOT of therapy. Fingers crossed they write AMAZING tell-all’s – A La “Mommie Dearest.”
3. She made cone bras fashionable.
4. She will forever be remembered in Music, Fashion, Film, Literary, and Pop Culture history.
5. She won a Golden Globe.
6. She had a book of what was artistically shot Fetish Porn published to great fanfare.
7. She made a highly acclaimed documentary that showed Warren Beatty wondering why he was fucking her, and made Kevin Costner look like a star struck goon.
8. She fucked Vanilla Ice AND Big Daddy Kane.
9. She’s very, very rich.

Seriously, I’m wondering why she’s gone this route. Don’t get me wrong, if I was her, I would do some stuff to look “fresh” – but I’m a Black girl with no wrinkles – ha!

Look at Debbie Harry – she’s SIXTY SIX! Now she was smart because she started nipping and tucking and botoxing early, and it’s all settled in now. Madge, you could learn a thing or two from Debbie.

Oh Madonna. I wonder what your next album will sound like. And what your next face will look like.

Love,
Crystal