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Super Bowl 45 Half Time Show RANT

The time is now 6:16 and so far I’m seeing LOTS of commercials for FOX shows.

House and a new show that’s starring Jennifer Beals (!) in which she plays a tough as nails cop.

It looks sort of interesting. Her face looks good. Her body looks good. She looks really good!

I wonder what she’s been up to before this gig.


Okay, we’re back.

They gave the Walter Peyton award to some guy. And now Lea Michelle from Glee is singing ‘America The Beautiful’ – and I think she’s got a live mic.

Yup, there’s the closeup, and it is live, and she’s killing it! (READ – DON’T FORGET GLEE IS ON IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE GAME)

Now here’s Christina Aguilera to sing the Star Spangled Banner – WITH NO CANNED MUSIC – and she’s got a live mic too! Listen to those runs! A CAPELLA BITCH! WORK! In a classy little black skirt and jacket, no assless chaps. Nice!

Kung Fu Panda 2 is coming in May! turned a big hairy biker into a tranny!

Hey, a friend just sent me this on FacePlace. I think the ad was banned. I wonder why?

The coin toss just happened, and Green Bay won.

Now I’m gonna watch the repeat of The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.

Okay, I’m watching the game again and Green Bay just scored. I really don’t care about this game. Who’s on 60 Minutes? Oh, it’s John Jr. Gotti, and he’s GETTING THE ENTIRE HOUR. Holy moley.

It’s kind of interesting, back to the puppies.

Alright, I turned the game back on in time to see this, which I think is the BEST commercial almost ever.

This one is great too. Thank you VW!

Whoopsie, looks like The Packers scored again! Oh, and this is a good ad from Snickers…

It’s almost 8:00 with a little over a minute to go until half time. And what that treat that will be… NOT.

Why? Because The Black Eyed Peas are doing the half time show..bleccch.

OOH, The Steelers just scored! So it’s 21 to 10 Green Bay.

And now, it is half time. Terry Bradshaw and some other guys are talking about the highlights – come on! Let’s see the BEP’s and how bad they are!

Okay, they just came down from the sky in their robotic/Android/black leather get-ups that light up, singing that damn “Tonight’s Gonna Be A Good Night” song. They’re surrounded by what looks like a thousand people all dressed in white outfits that are strung with LED Christmas lights.

Now they go into “Boom Boom Pow” OH MY GOD, there’s SLASH playing the opening riff from “Sweet Child Of Mine” and now Fergie is doing a HORRIBLE Axl imitation. I just threw up in my mouth a little. NO, she is doing the “snake dance.” I just barfed A LOT.


Now they’re doing another song, “Turn It Up.” Horrid. And now, “Let’s Get It Started.” And what is that, oh SHIT, now USHER just came down from the sky, singing “OMG” (that Will.I.Am produced) sheesh.

And now “Where Is The Love.” There are hearts lit up all over the place. If Justin Timberlake comes out I will faint. Now the dancers are glowing with red lights and forming hearts on the field.

OH NO, it’s that shitty song that they use “The Time Of My Life” lyrics in. Now some of the dancers have cubes on their heads – WTF? And now back to that “Tonight” song for the ending. That was about 20 minutes of torture. Why didn’t anyone call Prince?

Well, Fergie kept her boobs tied up in her Lite-Brite shoulder pads/breast plates, Will.I.Am. kept his plastic “hair” on (DEVO should sue his ass off), and the other two guys continue to look confused and wonder what they’re doing with the white chick and the annoying guy.

A HOT MESS FOR THE AGES. THANK YOU BLACK EYED PEAS. (PS – as usual, the sound guy(s) need to be fired.

Here it is for you to watch. Have a barf bag handy.

A friend of a friend of mine on FacePlace wrote this – “It just hasn’t been the same since Janet Jackson’s Right Titty got thrown out.”

It is now 8:30 and I don’t really care about the rest of the game (sorry people) and I think I’m gonna shower and go to bed. Back to school tomorrow.

Oh wait, I just saw the Best Buy commercial with Ozzy and Justin Beiber! You’ll see it soon enough, but here’s a snap from the shoot. It is in the running to be my 2011 holiday card!

See you on the 13th for the GRAMMY AWARDS RANT! And on deck, THE OSCARS!





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