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Scene: hundreds and hundreds of people are lining up to go to a Stan Lee panel where he is about to make a big announcement. His guest is Yoshiki Hayashi, the founder and drummer of the heavy metal band X Japan, a band I have never heard about even though they’ve apparently been rocking together since 1982.

The crowd is a mixture of Stan Lee fanatics and crazy-eyed Japanese girls carrying bouquets of roses.

I stand in the press line and eat some peanuts, calculating whether or not this mixture of people will either mate or go to war.

Panel Room: The middle 13 rows are filled with various press people. I am excited. I will only be four rows away from Stan Lee. I chat with a videographer to my right about the Con. We exchange quips. I casually mention how great it is that Yoshiki is here, trying to pretend I know who he is so I don’t look like a moron if this guy is super famous. The videographer says, “Who?” and I am filled with relief that I am not the only one who is not hip to the band.

A few minutes later the pubic is let in. There is a stampede for seats. The Comic Geeks take the chairs behind the press, while the Japanese girls scream and run to the front. There are a few chairs open in the press section and various journalists are flinging themselves on to them but the girls don’t care. They shimmy themselves into the open spaces and start screaming louder. There is an open chair next to me and I make unintentional eye contact with one female who has already started to cry in anticipation. She literally launches herself over two journalists and lands on my bag sitting on the seat. I wedge it from beneath her butt and caution myself against punching her in the neck. I ready my camera and digital voice recorder and then check to make sure Ms. Nutjob did not break my DS.

The lights go down and the girls scream until I have no choice but to put away the recorder and go Old Skool with a post-it note pad and a Snoopy pencil.

We are treated to a 5 minute video of X Japan concerts. The girls continue to scream and sing along to song snippets. I glance around at the Comic Geeks who all seem to be catatonic.

The lights come back up and Stan Lee and Yoshiki come out to the stage. Yoshiki looks like an Anime character, Stan looks like Stan. The crowd goes wild.

Then the announcement: Stan Lee is teaming up with Yoshiki to make a motion graphic comic about a musical superhero (Yoshiki) with the music being provided by X Japan and it will be out sometime in 2011.

Stan & Yoshiki, featuring the top of a Japanese girl’s head before she blocked my view

Okay. Great. Let’s move on to some awesome Stan Lee Q&A, I think.

But it isn’t going well.

The moderator, God love her, tries her best but Stan can’t hear anything and Yoshiki’s English isn’t the best, so the whole panel is a series of “What was the question?” followed by a couple of stories about lost suitcases.

And a nice middle view shot of Stan between two girls crying for Yoshiki

The Comic Geeks are Charlie Brown sad and the Japanese girls kept yelling Yoshiki’s name and getting in the way of all the photographers.

Then Stan leaves the stage (followed by most of the Comic Geeks and the press) and all the Japanese girls rushed down to the front and began to cry and scream some more.

I leave the room behind one Comic Geek who mumbled to his friend, “What was that?” and smiled.

That, my friend, is Comic Con.

And then I head out into the crowds wondering if I could afford a bottle of water before the next panel.

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