SHRINKY DINKS Flashback: The Only Time When “Shrinkage” Is a Good Thing

San Pedro Sula, Honduras: the most dangerous place on the planet. 

There’s a murder rate of 169:100,000; averaging to about 3 murders a day.  It is the central hub of the most vicious criminal organizations that traffic in every illegal activity in the world.

To live a life in this city one must be forged by crushing violence and razor-sharp street smarts.

…and I knew this full well when accepting an invitation to drug lord “Brandy del Diablo” Super Fun Ultra Go Fish Tournament.

Known as “The Devil’s Brandy,” this Drug Lord was known for her brutal violence and steel nerve. 

So it was no surprise to me when I knew my life was on the line; the only two players left was me and the Kingpin herself.  She raised the pot by $25,000.  I knew she had one hell of a hand but mine was better, I had a pair of red fish, a pair of blue fish, and I knew she had the third blue fish.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the cash collateral to back it up – Brandy del Diablo had me. 

However; I had one thing that all drug lords from Joaquín “Shorty” Guzmán to “Freeway” Ricky Ross couldn’t do without:

Shrinky Dinks.

Basically, Shrinky Dinks are a kid’s toy that was super-popular in the 1980s because of the “arts and crafts” style way you make them.  You would get a package of plastic sheets adorned with your favorite characters like Spider-Man or She-Ra – in the 70’s (unlike today, companies would license their characters out for a can of PBR and a bag of Red Vines).

You would color in these images to your specifications and either cut them out or, more likely than not, simply tear along the perforated lines.  The characters are placed in the oven and the heat, per its name, will shrink them down to 1/3 the original size.  They’re also nine times harder, so what you end up with is a little, flat, durable version of the thing you threw into the oven.

When I was a kid Shrinky Dinks were really more of a “girl toy” – by that I mean the little objects were perfect to be made into little trinkets or charms for jewelry.  However, it didn’t stop your camp counselor, den mother or teacher to choose Shrinky Dinks as a perfect activity on a rainy day.  I spent many a crappy weather day sipping on a Hi-C and trying to color in an image of Skeletor or Inspector Gadget.

However, the plastic sheets used to make Shrinky Dinks also come blank, so one can draw their own designs and shrink them down. 

These blank, do-it-yourself Shrinky Dinks sheets have been a boon for DIY jewelry for some time giving Shrinky Dinks a second life (just look through Pinterest under “Shrinky Dinks” sometime and you’ll see).  Because the Shrinky Dink can also be formed and manipulated to some degree before it’s a solid and come in blank sheets, one can produce any design they wish.

There was a time in the late 80s where I was producing 90% of all Shrinky Dink erotic jewelry to the adult film industry under the name “Federico’s Phallus Ornaments.”

Hence, the reason I had 20 pounds of uncut, uncolored Shrinky Dink plastic sheets to present to Brandy del Diablo.

It might not look like much, but twenty pounds of this stuff would give your toaster oven an erection.

The tournament was immediately stopped and we all gathered around plastic Shrinky Dink sheets to color in our own characters.  You really haven’t lived until you witness over 30 of the world’s most dangerous human beings and their bodyguards laying stomach-down on a carpet drawing their own Shrinky Dink characters.

“The Ice Pick” chose to color and shrink Casper.

For me, the experience was slightly nostalgic; I never truly got into Shrinky Dinks as a child. 

However, I can imagine it would be a fun project for children, crafty adults, and Vladimir “The Ice Pick” Zakrevsky – who’s currently drawing a little smiley sun. 

The plastic itself is relatively easy to draw on, indicating to me how one could easily make this an entertaining and impressive looking DIY project.

Then we all put our little characters on wax paper (mine being a slightly sloppy Slimer from Ghostbusters) and placed them in the oven (pre-heated to 325 degree) for 3 minutes. 

The large group of thugs with more murder between them than most wars squealed in glee as our creations curled into little balls, then flattened out into perfect mini versions of what we drew up.

Brandy del Diablo made sure to bring out puff paints, glitter and yarn to make our Shrinky Dinks into fresh jewelry for ourselves or our moms.  Assassin Benny Agostinelli, a mountain of a man I know for a fact twisted a bookie’s head 180 degrees with his bare hands, made his mom a little charm bracelet with tiny butterflies.

We were having so much fun that we forgot about the pot for the Go Fish game, which was eventually distributed back to its respective players. 

Although I had one hell of a hand, I got away with my life, a juice box and a little Slimer bracelet so Shrinky Dinks are okay in my book.

Until next time.