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Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen:
THE BOURNE LEGACY – ‘Bride of the Monster’ Remake Delivers Laughs, Body Count

An amoral CIA—how novel!—has created super killers that it now wants eliminated.

Ah, but Dr. Frankenstein has wrought too well in the person of over-trained death dealer Jason Bourne.

In three films, Jason (Matt Damon) wastes more people than Jason Voorhees of Camp Crystal Lake manages to slaughter in nine.

But let’s not quibble.

Our latest edition features super agent Alex Cross (Jeremy Renner) picking up where Jason left off.

He’s dogged by the CIA assassins of spook honcho Eric Byer (Edward Norton). Running around the globe, Cross acquires a hot-looking doctor, Marta Shearing (Rachel Weisz).

As they flee, Cross kills more people than the Korean War.

This could have ended up just another CGI chase-‘n’-shoot.

But director Tony Gilroy wouldn’t allow it. He chose to lighten the story by drawing heavily on Ed Wood’s 1955 Bride of the Monster. Gilroy’s screenplay, written with brother Dan and based on a character by author Robert Ludlum, clearly paints bad guy Byer in the Doctor Vornoff role—a man with a “super people” problem.

(Note that both Byer and Vornoff, played in the original by Bela Lugosi, share the same first name of “Eric.” A subtle tribute, a hat tip, a nod; one or all of those.)

Of course, our tale leads to a dark swamp.

Following a motorcycle chase through Manila, Cross and Marta find themselves in a gloomy quagmire with a sinister reputation. Local villagers have been disappearing. Cross and his doctor lady friend decide to investigate.

Deep in the mangroves, they stumble upon an old mansion. But while searching for a way inside, a giant, bald, wrestler-like man knocks out Cross and captures Marta.

In trying to rescue Dr. Shearing, Cross encounters—I think you know this—a giant octopus sent by the CIA to gobble him up.

Ah, but does Gilroy’s film also end in a fiery atomic blast? I won’t give that away, except to say: it could.

It very well could.

A salute to Joanne Jacobsen who stood as if on a ladder, towering like a great statue above all the other Canadian key makeup artists.

Three stars for the Ed Wood homage plus giving work to Rachel “The Mummy” Weisz.

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