Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen:
SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN – Heigh-ho the Luck! as Animated Character Excels

There are so many credited writers on this film that I’m certain at least two people reading this review will have written the screenplay.

Please scan this list and comment if you see your name: Evan Daugherty, Evan Spiliotopoulos, Hossein Amini, John Lee Hancock, Jez Butterworth, Caleb Munger, Peter Vaughn Apefoot, Ginger Wainscotting, Herb Seabarf, and Mince Caper.

Because, as we all know, ONE WRITER is incapable of crafting a major motion picture.

That aside, I was pleasantly entertained by this reframing of the old Snow White tale.

Once again there was a mirror-mirror, a problem with royal vanity, a nice looking young lady ordered killed and a hero.

However there were no dwarves.

For some reason, they were replaced by seven chunky elves.

Nonetheless the major surprise centered on the film’s choice of hero.

Originally, Chris Hemsworth—“Thor“—was cast.

But for obscure reasons, the filmmakers replaced that capable actor with The Huntsman, a minor character from a mid-90s Warner Bros. animated TV show called “Freakazoid!”

An over prepared superhero in a region devoid of crime, the Huntsman’s sterile activities and exasperated expressions were the totality of these very short segments, mostly from the series’ first season. This made him an unlikely choice as hero of a live-action, CGI motion picture. Not only was The Huntsman animated and mostly unknown, but he lacked a track record in achieving success other than booting trashcans in frustration.

Perhaps director Rupert Sanders, or one of the writer nation, nostalgically recalled The Huntsman and decided he would be a crackerjack mentor for young Snow White (Kristen Stewart).

We first meet our hero after the evil Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) orders the green-clad character to take Snow White deep into the dangerous Dark Forest and slay her. The Huntsman complains, “But I was on my way to get some pleasing berry water. Would you like some?”

The Queen most certainly wouldn’t and it seems our heroine is doomed.

But The Huntsman doesn’t roll that way.

He not only shelters Snow White with the seven elves but also coaches her up for eventual battle with the Queen.  Snow White excels at training. Not only is her body transformed into a finely tuned war machine, but she develops a taste for berry water, a hint of self-pity, some bitterness and a mild case of paranoia.

Exasperated at not hearing back from her servant, the Queen orders the construction of a great gourd known as The Gourd of Compelling Response. She orders it sounded as a way of recalling The Huntsman, severely testing the laconic woodsman.

And while his luck and timing aren’t the best, The Huntsman is persistent and, in the end, finally achieves the dynamic action he so desperately craved in the TV series.

“Darn the luck!” and full speed ahead.

Andrew Hawley brought a smoldering presence to the role of Guard on Duty

Four stars for bold use of a non-equistrian, animated character with big square teeth.