No Need To Be Concerned, I’ve Solved TWO AND A HALF MEN’S SHEEN Conundrum!

Sure, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones are laughing on the outside, but today’s announcement of the firing of Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men didn’t detail the future of the hit CBS series.

At 16, Jones is earning $250,000 an episode for his work on the show and Cryer earns $550,000.  Not exactly chump change.

Jon, Angus, I need you boys to relax.  Call Chuck Lorre over the the laptop.  I’ve got three solutions on how you can keep the series going until the end of next year’s contract.

Solution #1: RECAST CHARLIE HARPER
There’s already been mention of John “Blackie” Stamos jumping in (what is it with this guy playing uncles?), but my solution is a bit more novel.

Cast a different actor each week to play Charlie and make no mention of it whatsoever.

The advantages?  You might be able to draw some interesting talent for a week’s commitment, but also it would make the show funny on a number of levels.

Not sure yet?  Check these out:

Comedy gold.

But, hey, it might not be what you have in mind.

That’s ok.  Let’s go with idea number two.

Solution #2: CHARLIE WAKES UP AN OLDER VERSION OF HIMSELF

It gives the show a conspiracy, and explains the disappearance without resorting to “Charlie moves away with Rose”. Who did this to Charlie Harper?

And why?

Visualize with me:

Too Lynch-ian?

Okay, the final idea, in my opinion is the most plausible, shakes things up and keeps the title alive.

Solution #3: KILL CHARLIE HARPER

Seriously.

Use his death to actually move the plot forward.

Charlie dies suddenly, leaving his estate in the hands of his nephew, Jake Harper.

Suddenly rich, his father Alan remains a leech, sponging off his son.

A few episodes into the season, Alan’s ex-wife, Judith (who Jake gave a million dollars to), kicks out husband Herb, who moves in with Jake and Alan, effectively re-establishing the series as Two and a Half Men.

Duh.

And Mr. Sheen, take a bow you crazy bastard.