A couple of weeks ago, one of my greatest fears finally came true: I was in a car wreck that totaled my beloved Nissan Frontier.
The wreck really wasn’t THAT bad, but the truck was 15 years old and had 166,000 miles on it. No way was the insurance company going to let me fix it.
Many people don’t understand the love that a man can have for his car. I never thought that I would, but I certainly do now. I’ll miss my little truck forever.
To commemorate that love (which, honestly, goes deeper than my love for most people), I give you the five greatest cars in film history.
Keep in mind, I’m a child of the 80s and I haven’t seen Bullitt in years.
THE BLUES BROTHERS (THE BLUESMOBILE) (1980)
Directed by John Landis
Written by Dan Aykroyd/John Landis
When I first started this list, it was actually a list of best car crashes. That being too morbid for my current mood, I decided to go with the best cars. This movie is the only one that crossed over from one list to the other. Not only does it have the most car crashes in history (until, I think, the sequel), but The Bluesmobile, with it’s cop motor, cop tires, cop suspensions and cop shocks is definitely the car to beat. It does things that no other car in the history of cars could ever do, goes faster than it really should and gets the Brothers out of scrapes that no ordinary car could even think about getting out of. It’s also a great shopping car.
They never say what the original Bluesmobile was, but I can’t imagine it was any better than black and white the 1974 Dodge Monaco.
If only they could fix the lighter.
THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (LOTUS ESPRIT) (1977)
Directed by Lewis Gilbert
Written by Christopher Wood/Richard Maibaum
Based (VERY loosely) on a book by Ian Fleming
Most people would put the Aston Martin from Goldfinger in this slot, but I’ve always been a Lotus man, myself. Oh, I love that old Aston Martin and was VERY happy to see it show up in Skyfall. But there’s just something about a little white car that’s shaped like a torpedo and can go underwater.
It helps that this is, arguably, the best of the Roger Moore films. It’s silly. It’s more sci-fi than it probably should be. It’s over the top. It’s certainly more comedic than a lot of the films.
And it’s just a whole lot of fun. This is the movie that reminds me of watching James Bond movies on the ABC Sunday Night Movie as a kid.
The next movie, Moonraker, would take an even bigger left turn into sci-fi silliness and be horrible for it. One of the worst of the series. Then For Your Eyes Only would redeem Moore for a bit. It was more serious in tone and MUCH more realistic. So much so that within about half an hour the Lotus would be blown up…just to show fans that they were getting back to basics. No more gadgets.
I nearly cried.
GHOSTBUSTERS (ECTO-1) (1984)
Directed by Ivan Reitman
Written by Dan Aykroyd/Harold Ramis
Ghostbusters is a very formative movie for me and, in fact, most boys of my generation. I firmly believe that Peter Venkman (and, in effect, Bill Murray) ruined our lives. All of us grew up wanting so badly to BE Venkman that we became cynical, sarcastic jerks who were never happy with what we had.
But that doesn’t keep me from loving this movie…or the Ecto-1. It’s a 1959 Cadillac Hearse, aka Miller-Meteor Futura. What else would guys who catch ghosts with an unlicensed nuclear generator drive? Unlike The Bluesmobile (also created by Aykroyd), the Ecto-1 “needs some suspension work and shocks. Brakes, brake pads, lining, steering box, transmission, rear-end. Also new rings, mufflers a little wiring…” I think Dan made some of that up, but maybe not. He’s a gear-head, so I trust that he knows what he’s talking about.
What helps make the Ecto-1 so great is its distinctive siren. There’s no mistaking it for any other siren in the universe.
Oh…and it’s a hearse. Did I mention that already?
DEATH RACE 2000 (1975 Shala-Vette) (1975)
Directed by Paul Bartel
Written by Robert Thom/Charles B Griffith
Based on a story by Ib Melchior
I’m not really sure if this car had a name in the movie, but I figure it should just be called Frankenstein, just like it’s owner (David Carridine). It’s a green monstrosity that could have come out of a child’s nightmare, but there’s definitely something lo-fi and lovable about it. With it’s giant teeth in front and it’s ridged back that comes down lower than the people sitting inside of it, it couldn’t be safe…or real.
As for the movie, it has about the same charm. Don’t bother with the remake. The original Roger Corman production is the way to go. If you can get past the elderly abuse and the constant murder of innocent pedestrians, this is the movie for you. It’s certainly the movie for me.
In a movie full of awesome cars, Frankenstein’s gets the most points.
BACK TO THE FUTURE (THE TIME MACHINE) (1985)
Directed by Robert Zemeckis
Written by Robert Zemeckis/Bob Gale
If you’re gonna build a time machine, you might as well do it with style, right?
Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) knew that rule. Hell, he wrote it. To this day, there’s no way to build a time machine unless you use a DeLorean. With it’s up-swinging doors and futuristic lines (not to mention the stainless steel colored body), this car already looked like it was from the future in 1985.
It still kind of does because there hasn’t been a car like it since the early 80s. If you had one of these, you wouldn’t need a flux capacitor to make it cool…but it definitely helps.
Just sitting still it looks like it’s going at least 88 mph.
And one that we love to hate:
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VACATION (FAMILY TRUCKSTER) (1983)
Directed by Harold Ramis
Written by John Hughes
Based on a story by John Hughes
“You think you hate it now, wait’ll you drive it!”
If that’s how someone tries to sell you a car, run. And only fly on your vacation.
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) trades in his trusty old station wagon for this giant, green hulk of a car that never quite runs the way it should. Sure, it gets his family to their final destination…but it almost gets them to their Final Destination.
It’s hideously ugly, too. Which also kind of makes me love it in a really weird way.
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