Mike Nelson, in my humble eyes, is by and far one the best byproducts to come out of the Midwest.
Although now settled in California, he spent the earlier years of his life in Illinois, Wisconsin, and of course, the birthplace of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Minnesota.
Handsome, quippy, and wildly clever, Mike has given us beloved viewers constant laughs at an alarming rate. Growing up with Mike, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy had a lasting impact on me.
I found myself wanting to learn the obscure names and events they would often reference. I owe my long lasting interest of intertwining humor and intelligence together to the MST3K crew. For that, I’m so grateful. I’m also mildly resentful because I turned out to be a great, big nerd. THANKS, GUYS.
Exactly ten years ago, I visited Milwaukee and stumbled upon an absolutely jaw-dropping record and video store. Let’s just say, they carried everything you couldn’t find anywhere else. At the time, MST3K was still pretty hard to come by. And lucky duck that I am, I happened upon a DVD box set that contained The Legend of Boggy Creek II, Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders, Time Chasers, and The Touch of Satan. A very Mikey boxset indeed.
Needless to say, I bought the living bejesus out of it.
I can say, without a doubt in my mind, that in 2004 I went from being a hardcore fan of MST3K to a full on MSTie. Holding hard copies of these episodes in my little lady hands was such a thrill. I would put them on the projector whenever I would host parties and recruited new fans by the boatload. I still have that box set, however, it’s far more beat up than when I originally bought it.
I actually kind of love it that way.
Now, in the Beginner’s Guide to Mystery Science Theater 3000, I previously preached my disgusting, unbridled love for three Mike episodes: Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders, Final Sacrifice, as well as Soultaker.
Obviously, if I felt the need for you to watch them then, I still feel that deep, deep need now.
However, I’d like to share five more of my personal favies with you in delicious chronological order.
How’s that sound, sugar?
Horrors of Spider Island
Season 10 (Episode 11)
Alright, I know this one’s a little left field, but I love the unreasonably tall pants off of this episode.
The movie itself is just so damn bad, it has that special Ed Wood-esque charm one can’t help but love. A group of hot toddy dancers are flown to Singapore with their, supposedly, irresistible manager, Gary.
Because if a sexy name like Gary doesn’t get you going, I don’t know what will.
While on their flight, something goes awry and the plane crashes near an island, which they assume is uninhabited. Turns out the uninhabited island ain’t so uninhabited after all. They find their way to a cabin and kind of just commandeer it without ever once thinking, “Hey, there could very well be a dead guy inside there.” As fate would have it, inside said cabin they find a very deceased researcher adhered to a large spiderweb. Radioactive spiders (or what really seems to be a singular spider making multiple appearances) are attacking and killing their victims.
In the ghastly case of sexy, sexy Gary, he is transformed into a (wait for it) Spider-man! What a novel concept! Okay, so, I assume the goofy plot of this film was used to translucently veil the actual purpose of The Horrors of Spider Island.
And that purpose would be to show a literal metric ton of sweaty, distressed, barely clothed women.
Cat fights a plenty in this one, fellas. Not to mention some absolutely stellar riffs.
Notable Riff: “That darkens my features!”
Zombie Nightmare
Season 6 (Episode 4)
Popular stand-up citizen/softball player, Tony, is mowed down by some snotty punk driving his dad’s sweet ride. None of the jerk kids inside the car do anything to help the poor lad now laying in the street. Tony’s mother calls in a favor from local voodoo priestess, Molly Mokembe. She resurrects him to exact revenge upon the idiot teenagers that were in the car on that fateful night. Mike, Tom and Crow are obsessed with Tia Carerre, even though she has a very minor role in this flick.
On a mildly bodacious note, there’s actually some pretty righteous music in Zombie Nightmare, but it seems to spook the mild-mannered Minnesotans, which is all around adorable. The absurd plot is “heightened” with some truly awful acting and a poorly written script.
Oh, and did I mention freaking Adam West is in this one?!
Notable Riff: “You know, John Goodman on Hume Cronyn’s back could outrun this guy!”
Space Mutiny
Season 8 (Episode 20)
There’s a mutiny! It’s in space! Characters who die reappear scenes later! This episode is kind of a given, seeing as pretty much every MSTie on the planet loves this classic. It’s odd because the actual mutiny featured so brashly in the title… isn’t really all that clear to the viewer.
Or Mike and the bots for that matter. My favorite scene in particular is when the “hot” female lead (who, let’s be serious, has to be in her mid-forties) is hitting on the younger male lead by sticking her bum out. I lose it every time. If you love chase scenes, my God, is this ever your movie. Honestly, I don’t want to spoil any of the gems in this episode, just take my word and watch this mother now. Space Mutiny, even without Mike and the bots, is a laugh riot in and of itself. Can’t believe this movie was ever greenlighted.
Notable Riff: “Sting, Debbie Reynolds, and God.”
Werewolf
Season 9 (Episode 4)
Poor Joe Estevez can’t catch a break.
First, he’s the younger brother of debonaire Martin Sheen. Second, that lisp just won’t quit. And third, dude gets cast in flicks like Soultaker and Werewolf.
Take a hint, GET A NEW AGENT.
Although, he serves as the star power for Werewolf, he’s barely in the movie. Instead the true “stars” of this film are all profoundly foreign.
And the best part is they all get progressively more foreign as the the film carries on.
On a personal note, my absolute favorite musical piece from the entirety of MST3K resides within this episode. “Where, oh Werewolf,” is so catchy and I find myself singing it when I’m at work.
NEWSFLASH: I’m an oddball. I just can’t help myself, Tom Servo aka Kevin Murphy’s harmonies are simply heaven.
I mean, can you blame me?
Notable Riff: “An American Werewolf in Traffic.”
The Touch of Satan
Season 9 (Episode 8)
This is one of my top three episodes I show to new MST3K fans (Alongside Merlin’s Shop and Werewolf, if you were curious).
Who doesn’t love Satan? Or repeatedly used public domain songs? The boys are on fire in this one and it would be an actual tragedy not to include A Touch of Satan on this list.
A young man on a journey to California, stops to eat a bologna sandwich at a random farm. Little did he know, this decision would change his mortal existence. He begins dating the hot daughter of the resident farmer and everything is going swimmingly until… it’s revealed she’s a witch! As the credits unspool, Tom makes note of the actress, Emby Mellay, the woman who plays the saucy witch, Melissa Strickland.
Tom cracks, “Emby Mellay? That’s not a name, it’s a bad scrabble hand!”
I still tear up at this joke even though I’ve watched the darn thing so many times I can quote the movie without fail.
Notable Quote (It’s not even a riff, for christ sake, this is an actual line in the movie): “This is where the fish lives.”
There you are, five more of my favorite episodes!
As always, you can get a hold of these luscious babies through Shout! Factory and some are available to you right now on Netflix. But, I must say to you, loyal reader, it’s always difficult for me to narrow down my favorites and I’m sure you’ve felt the same way yourself.
I actually get lightheaded, seriously, when someone asks me my favorites of any genre, let alone a specific show I’ve devoted far, far too many hours of my precious human life to.
But, I suppose this is the plight of the modern day nerd. Really, who needs sunlight? I sure don’t.
Screw off, Vitamin D! Let the MST3K episodes roll!!
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