MST3K: Best Bot Bits

Some MST3K fans tend to focus on who was best.

Joel or Mike?

Crow or Tom?

It’s like asking someone what their all-time favorite movie is. How does one even begin to decide?

In my personal case, I couldn’t begin to chose one over another. So, instead I’ve decided to celebrate all the bots. Not any single one in specific because that’s just tomfoolery.

Oh, shoot, does that mean I have to make a Crow pun now?

I remember I met someone at a convention once who noticed that I had made an MST3K joke (Pretty sure it was a Rowsdower and beer reference). They said, “Oh, Mystery Science Theater! I love that show. But, I always fast forward through the host segments, so I can get to the movie quicker.”

I’m pretty sure I looked something like this:

If you purposefully skip through host segments, you’re missing out on one of the most darling, funny, charming, hysterical, and/or awkward things you may ever witness in your short, precious life.

So, in turn, I present to you the best of the bots from some of our very favorite host segments.

I dare you not to enjoy these. Yeah, you heard me, DARE.

When the Bots Cosplayed the Mads.

Episode: The Atomic Brain

Although they’re always at the ready, the Mads are unprepared for today’s invention exchange. In a clever turn of events, the bots perform a spot on impersonation of Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV’s Frank as their “invention.” The best part? The vocal actor for Crow T. Robot is actually done by Trace Beaulieu who also plays none other than Dr. Forrester! You gotta love a man who can both make and take a joke. Countless fans have gone on to cosplay the Mads, but I suppose this puts the Bots ahead of their time, huh!

When Servo Nearly Murdered Crow.

Episode: Danger Death Ray

Tommy has made his very own death ray “for peaceful purposes only,” but simply can’t help himself when he sees clueless Crow coming. In the original bloopers for the show, entitled Poopie, it’s clear this joke went mildly awry. They show the last part of the bit where Crow’s laughter quickly turns to screams as his head becomes engulfed in fire. Trace mutters, “OH MY GOD, well, I’ll be in my trailer…” as the flames stack higher. Luckily, they get it out in time, but even Mike begins to look nervous.

Imagine staying in character while your hand is inside of a puppet that was on fire. Now, that’s some serious dedication!

The first time I saw this, at about 20 seconds into part four of Poopie, I laughed so hard I cried.

When Crow Called Tech Support.

Episode: The Starfighters

Everyone’s had a day where nothing goes right. You try and pay you bills, or God(s) forbid call technical support, but find yourself stuck on hold. But, have you ever been put on hold for so long that you lose your mind, accept it, continue waiting, and ultimately lose your mind all over again?

Sure you have. We all have. Well, apparently this isn’t a human specific problem. Poor Crow has been listening to crappy hold music for so long he begins dancing to it’s little creepy, electro beat before he whips back to manic aggravation.

It’s also perhaps one of Crow’s cutest moments.

When Servo’s Head Gave Us Nightmares.

Episode: The Violent Years

I think Gypsy says it best when she proclaims, “I feel ill!” I recall watching this bit when I was just a little thing. The only solace I took from this gag was that everyone else on screen was as equally disgusted as I was.

It was only when I grew up that I rewatched this and laughed my tuchus off. Classic, creepy Tom.

I think if Tom were people, he’d probably be in one of those comfy, padded cells we all hear so much about.

When We Realized Cambot Was a Shapeshifter.

Although Magic Voice has had her share of changes, Cambot takes the cake on this one. Multiple crew members have said Cambot had been lost, repurposed, or misplaced on multiple occasions. This series of flubs led to Cambot winning the award of most physical changes throughout the shows history. He may not be very consistent, but, gosh, if we don’t love him all the same.

When We Find Out Everyone On The Satellite of Love Has Some Deep-Seated Psychological Issues.

Episode: I Accuse My Parents

Joel has Crow, Servo, and Gypsy draw their respective perfect families. As per usual, it’s never what Joel expects. They all have some pretty unconventional proverbial families and none of them can explain themselves. My personal favorite is probably Gypsy’s. She draws her perfect family as the one she is already a part of. It’s pretty touching.

The one thing that varies from the norm is that Richard Basehart watches over them. I mean, who could blame Gypsy for imagining Basehart as God? He is ultra dreamy afterall.

When Servo(s) Executed a Genuinely Amazing Choral Number.

Episode: The Starfighters

Honestly, this bit speaks for itself. An amalgam of song lyrics and random phrases sung by the United Servo Academy Chorus. Kevin Murphy, the voice of Tom Servo, is a truly talented singer and this all Servo acapella is special because it’s both beautiful and humorous.

Now, that’s a difficult feat to pull off. No MSTie could forget this classic Tom bit!

When Gypsy Finally Had Enough.

Episode: The Beast of Yucca Flats

I have two older brothers and a lot of the time, even though I’m youngest, I feel like the most responsible one. Although, I’m sure if they read this, they would beg to differ! But, it’s for this reason I identify with Gypsy so much.

The bots continually push her buttons and expect her to take care of things when they’re in peril. Yes, she is majorly even tempered, but if you nudge her the wrong way one time too many…

That One Time Crow Gave You Tips On How To Kill Time And Servo Gave You Tips On How To Kill People.

Episode: The Rebel Set

I love this one because the bots all act like little kids, living out their dreams of what they would do with their time during a layover in Chicago. They’re so sweet and descriptive in their explanations. They also entirely gloss over the fact that Tom’s dream would be to hold up a bank in a pretty terrifying manner.

Note: Gypsy falls asleep during Crow’s explanation and it’s a-freaking-dorable.

Oh, And That Time Crow and Servo Almost Got Married.

Episode: Racket Girls

For some reason, most casual watchers haven’t seen this and it’s perhaps one of the most jarring “Wait a minute, did I hear that right?” moments in the show. Tom and Crow ultimately end up choosing to remain single, but it’s not because they don’t want to be with each other.

The chaos of the event is just too much for them! Wrasslin’ breaks out and just as quickly as they chose to get married, they choose to stay single.

But, hey, two crazy bots in love can dream, can’t they?

Personally, I pretend they did get married. Off camera, of course.

So, what did you learn today?

A) That Tom is a minorly homicidal maniac.
B) Everyone on the Satellite of Love needs to see a shrink.
C) Tom and Crow are (at the very least) bisexual.
D) Crow is not fire retardant.
E) All of the above.

If you answered E, then I can safely say, my work is done here.

Lesson: For the love of Magic Voice, do not fast forward through host segments. I have exorcised the demons.

This house… is clear.