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Kitchen Overlord: DEADPOOL SUSHI

This is as mindlessly simple and fun as Deadpool himself.

Who is Deadpool?
A disfigured and mentally unstable mercenary, known as the “Merc with a Mouth”, is famous for his talkative nature.

Ingredients

  • 1/4 lb sashimi grade tuna
  • 1/2 cup prepared sushi rice
  • 1 sheet nori

Grab half a cup of sushi rice. If you don’t happen to have any sitting around, use the recipe after the jump. I apologize in advance for how much delicious rice you’re about to consume. You can pretend it’s healthy by telling everyone it’s gluten free.

Shape your half a cup of sushi rice into an oval.

Grab your sheet of nori. Cut out an oval the same shape as your rice. Carefully cut it in half, then cut out two eye holes. Put it on top of your rice. Gosh, it already looks like Deadpool’s belt buckle. Just one more step.

Carefully cut your sashimi grade tuna into strips the same width as your rice. Wrap them around the exterior. Slap one of those suckers down the middle while you’re at it.

Gosh. Unlike Deadpool himself, that’s good enough to eat.

Serve it on a dark, bloody puddle of teriyaki laced with sweet Thai chili sauce.

Learn how to make Sushi Rice after the jump!

Sushi Rice
Let’s be honest. Most of us could shovel this carby delight straight into our moutholes without needing any pesky fish or veggies.

  • 2 cups sushi or short grain rice
  • 2 cups water, plus extra for rinsing
  • 2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
  • 2 tbsp sugar
  • 1 tbsp kosher salt

Start by dumping all your rice in a bowl full of cool water. Use your fingers like a whisk. You want to really harass each individual grain. Once you get bored, pour off all the water.

Look at that. Your rice is still dirty. You may not be able to see it with your weak human eyes, but trust me. Deep inside, the rice needs another beating. Fill it up with more cool water and run your fingers through the grains. Make sure each and everyone of them knows that you’re watching it. You know what it did. You know why it deserves this. Now pour off the water again.

Repeat the process a third time. By now, your rice should be almost translucent with fear.

Pour your frightened rice and 2 cups of water into a medium saucepan. Crank that sucker up to a high heat and bring it to a boil. Once the water boils, switch the heat down to low and put a lid on that pan. Let it cook for 15 minutes. Don’t check it. If you do, you’ll interrupt the rituals going on within the purified rice and break the magic. You must have faith.

After 15 minutes, take the rice off the heat. Let it sit lidded and unharassed for another 10 minutes.

While impatiently waiting for the rice to cook, you can occupy yourself by mixing the sauce. Dump the rice wine vinegar, sugar, and salt into a microwave safe bowl and nuke it for 30-45 seconds. Give it a good stir to make sure the sugar and salt are melted.

Once your rice has cooked and rested, take off the lid and admire the fluffy white goodness within.

Dump the rice into a large wood or glass mixing bowl. Drizzle the vinegar mix over your rice. Use a wood spoon or paddle to gently but thoroughly fold the rice so each and every grain is purified with the righteousness of tasty sauce. They’re not dirty anymore. The grains have had all impurities boiled out and are now reborn as sushi rice.

For just the right texture, drape a clean kitchen towel over your bowl and let the rice cool at room temperature before using it to make sushi.

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