I’m Cheating On My Comic Book Store

A Confession by Atlee Greene

There is no easy way to say this so I’m just going to cut right to the chase.

I’ve been seeing someone else.  It’s not you, it’s me.  I know, I know; that’s what everyone says but I promise, I’m not just saying that in an attempt to salvage your feelings. It really is me. It all started three months ago when…yes, it is someone you know…it’s…Kindle Fire. I know this is a hard pill to swallow. I remember our deep late night conversations about the soulless application of digital comics as we enjoyed out favorite pinot noir.

The reality is that digital comics are a better fit for my everyday life. Instead of finding a bag to carry to hold multiple comics that won’t compromise the mint of their condition; my sleek and slim tablet holds my collection of comics and displays it in beautiful high definition. I’ve re-purchased a lot of the comics in my physical collection which end up being cataloged automatically in alphabetical order. It is a breath of fresh air instead of digging through stacks of longboxes.

Speaking of longboxes, I’ve never liked them.

They are the outfits I always said you looked good in but were really an eyesore. My basement can’t hold anymore, my wife won’t allow anymore in the house, and my father wants them gone so he can convert my old room into a stereo paradise. You’re crowding me, you’re just crowding me! I need my space. My days of spending money on bags and boards and changing them every seven years just need to be over.

The logistics of our relationship has become a problem for me. You just stay in the same place, all the time, and never budging when I ask you to come to me. The Kindle will go everywhere with me and I can fit in my bag, and on my nightstand. Standing in line every Wednesday after work was fun for a long time, but now it’s just inconvenient. My time is precious and this mundane concept of operating hours just doesn’t work for me. The tablet lets me download comic books 24/7. Store clerks telling me an issue is sold out and to wait for the second printing is a thing of the past.

Plus, this saving money thing is a real sweet perk. Instead of being seduced by every Funko Pop figure or the “Skeletor is my Homeboy” t-shirt that is currently the apple of my eye.

Listen, you’re really great. You are. And the truth is, I’ll always have love in my heart for the comic book shop. You took me in when no one else would, encouraged me to climb mountains, sing songs, and read the books that I wanted to read. The Death of Superman phenomena was one of the best times of my life and we experienced it together.

However, I think it’s time we end things. I still want to be friends though.

I’ll visit on Wednesdays from time to time.

Farewell.