Geezers still Rock RANT – 12/8/2010

Hello friends!

I hope that this rant finds you happy and healthy as the holidays approach, and one ends (MAZEL TOV to my Jewish friends and fans!)

Can you believe that it was THIRTY YEARS AGO TODAY that John Lennon was shot by that nutbag Mark David Chapman?

He would have been 70 this year.

I remember my Mother waking me up around midnight with tears in her eyes, telling me that he had been shot. I jumped out of bed and we both watched Nightline and CNN until around 3 or 4 in the morning. I went to school the next day, tired and bleary, singing Beatles songs all day long with my friends. Big bummer for sure.

Here is my second favorite image of John Lennon, a portrait by Andy Warhol.

The best of both worlds!
Well, enough with the sadness, now on to some funny stuff!

As I just mentioned, John Lennon would have been 70 this year. Sometimes I wonder what kind of music he would be making these days.

Would he be in competition with Paul?

Hanging out with Ringo?

Or pitching his solo songs to the producers of Glee?

Anyway, there are a big bunch of geezers still touring and cutting records. (Cutting records, did I just say that out loud?)

I just read that Paul Simon has new music coming out. Steven Tyler is gonna be a judge on American Idol! Elton John and Levon Helm put out a great “record” recently. And last night, went to The Beacon Theater with my friend Tim to see The Dukes Of September! Who are they you ask? They are a “supergroup” comprised of Donald Fagan, Boz Scaggs, and Michael McDonald! I was fortunate enough to have seen them all on many tours in their salad days, during the 70’s and 80’s.

But it was good to walk down memory lane a bit.

Donald Fagen performs like a weird amalgam of Grandpa Munster, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, and a ten year old boy with ADHD who can play piano like nobody’s business. His voice is not so good anymore. He can’t really hit the high notes. At times he looked like a Muppet, with his mouth wide open but nothing coming out.

This is Boz. Did you know that his real first name is William? He got the nickname “Bosley” from a friend when he was in BOARDING SCHOOL as a kid. It was shortened to “Boz.” Yea. Anyway, his voice sounds pretty much the same, but with a smidge of Aaron Neville. THANKFULLY he only played “Lowdown.” I told my friend Tim that if he played “The Lido Shuffle” I was gonna walk out. GEEZ I hate that song. Mostly just from being overplayed. I love that guitar though.

Hey look, it’s Santa Claus! No silly, it’s Michael McDonald! And I am anointing him the third hardest working man in show business (behind James Brown and my friend Colman Domingo). I must tell you that Michael got the LOUDEST CHEERS from the audience last night. And he delivered. He SANG HIS ASS OFF (and now I can die a happy woman for finally hearing him sing the background vocals on “Peg” LIVE! – remember, he was in Steely Dan before The Doobie Brothers, along with Jeff “Skunk” Baxter), he played the piano, he played the organ, he played the accordion, he played a banjo, he played a mandolin, he had huge sweat stains all over his t-shirt! I’m in LOVE with him!

The show started late because of the lame-assed audience.

I’ve never seen so many soulless, obnoxious, no dancing, can’t count to four, skunk weed smoking White people in my life! The house was still half empty at 8:00 (when the show was supposed to start) I’m guessing because they were all buying tons of drinks in the lobby, and smoking some of the stinkiest Pot I’ve ever gagged on via secondhand smoke. 

Please remember friends, I have never smoked a cigarette, smoked weed, or done any recreational drugs in my life, so I was not happy about that smelly shit.

I’m pretty sure that my friend Tim and I were the youngest people in the house. I counted at least 6 wheelchairs, two walkers, and LOTS of gray and silver hair. Along with bad outfits.

You know what I mean by bad outfits. The clothing that middle aged White people wear when they have a “night out on the town AT A ROCK CONCERT” – pleather pants, the t-shirt that they think is sooo cool (usually a Martha’s Vineyard “Black Dog” shirt – a Tye-Dyed one). And their “cool” Cowboy hats and suede fringed jackets. And that describes THE MEN in the audience!

Some jackass who sat on my right side pounded 5 little plastic cups of white wine and a bottle of beer. He then proceeded to “keep time” with the band by slapping his hand on his Docker’d thighs, and then really got into it by punching himself in the nuts. I am not kidding. His drunken girlfriend/wife was jumping around like a girl at Woodstock who had too much brown acid. Did I mention that when she showed up that she threw her coat on top of the head of the guy sitting in front of her and didn’t apologize? Yea.

But I digress.

The audience seemed to be disappointed because they seemed to be under the impression that it was going to be a night of greatest hits. Had they ACTUALLY READ about the show, they would have seen this…

Yea, see how it says “RHYTHM REVUE” below the names?

So what that means is that the guys played songs that THEY grew up and love. Like Ray Charles songs, Chuck Berry songs, old blues tunes, and they even covered fucking THUNDERCLAP NEWMAN!

Every time the clapping subsided after a song, the jackass on my right kept telling his dumbass girlfriend/wife, “Yea, they’re TOTALLY gonna do Lido next.”

“LEEEEDO! WOOOOOOOOOOO! PLAY LEEEDO!”

I almost punched him in the face.

Anyway, I had a good time.

If you can get some cheap seats, check them out. They will probably go back out in the spring/summer.

Love,
Crystal