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EXCLUSIVE: Harrison Ford to Star In More Unnecessary Sequels

I’ve got exciting news: Now that we’ve learned what happened after to Han Solo in the 30+ years since Return of the Jedi, and we’ll soon find out what Rick Deckard and Indiana Jones have been up to after all of these years, Harrison Ford will be reprising some of his other iconic roles.

First in 2020, Dr. Richard Kimble will return to the big screen once again framed for murder and on the run from the NSA.

Then in 2021 President James Marshall, after amending the Constitution and winning an unprecedented 5th term, must take back the Presidential Yacht after Somali pirates hijack it. And finally, and most eagerly anticipated, director Francis Ford Coppola will explore the rise and fall of Robert Duvall’s scheming executive assistant in the sequel to The Conversation. 

I find it particular ironic that Ford, who gives fans and interviewers the look of death when asked geek questions about his icon roles, has now full out embraced the Hollywood nostalgia bandwagon.

If there was anyone who I thought would pass up massive amounts of money to make unnecessary sequels, it was him.

But I’m wrong.

I’ve kinda admired the contempt he displays for so many aspects of showbiz, like the fluff interviews and pointless award shows, so I cannot help feel that he’s somehow sold-out by getting caught up in this terrible trend of everything being a reboot, remake or sequel, pimping out his most iconic characters when there is no more story to tell about them.

If there was ever a shameless cash grab, it’s Blade Runner 2.

What’s particularly crazy about it is that we’re now going to find out of whether or not Deckard was a replicant. That was purposely left ambiguous to the point that Ridley Scott and Ford have openly feuded about the answer. It’s also purposely unclear what will happen to Deckard and Rachel. Can they really get away? Won’t she self-destruct after four years? There is absolutely no reason to revisit any of this and undo the uncertainty of how the film concludes. I would think Ford of all people would appreciate this.

Similarly, my takeaway from the dreadful Indiana Jones 4 was that we didn’t need another Indiana Jones movie. As much we can blame George Lucas for the nonsensical plot elements — though I still think people way overacted to the fridge given everything else that’s happened in Indiana Jones movies — The Last Crusade was a perfect emotional conclusion to the series. What more is there to say but to depress fans by having to kill off Henry Jones and Marcus Brody because Sean Connery has retired from acting and Denholm Elliott is dead?

And as for Star Wars VII, I’m in the camp thinking it was a whole bunch of empty calories. 

It’s a remarkable reversal that after so many years of snubbing fans, Ford is now giving them exactly what they want without much prospects of even making a memorable movie.

I guess he realized how much money there is in nostalgia projects.

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