‘Big Love’: The End

The final episode of Big Love aired last night.

It was never a popular show and I doubt it will achieve immortality in reruns and home video.

But I’ll miss it.

Despite whatever flaws the show had — such as the entire first season — Big Love was one of the few unique shows on TV. This wasn’t because it was about polygamists, but due to its frank and often cynical examination of religion, marriage and patriarchy. What kept me watching week after week was its Flannery O’Connor-esque exploration of religion being a hustle.

Not to step on the toes of any polygamists, but polygamy is about sex — multiple sexual partners for men (and if that’s what some people are into, I’m not passing judgment). And the religious belief that the road to the afterlife for women is through their husbands helps keep them submissive.

The first seasons of Big Love was problematic because of its inability to deal with the sex. While the show had constructed a dichotomy between 21st century polygamy — The Henrickson family living in the suburbs — and 19th century polygamy — “The Compound” ruled by the autocratic Roman Grant — it shied away from passing any kind of judgment on Bill. The show almost seemed like a plug for 21st century style polygamy, showing that modern day polygamists looks a lot like the average American family, and in some ways, multiple wives is a plus.

By the middle of the second season the show could no longer ignore the fact that sex was such a central element of polygamy, and that the issue had to be examined with Bill. On The Compound, old men would pick out their teenage brides from “The Joy” book – a catalogue of all the teenage girls on The Compound that includes detailed photographs of their body parts. While Bill never picked his brides out of a book, he none the less wooed women who worked for his family; he was clearly motivated by desire, aided by opportunity. His second wife (Nicki) was his first wife’s nurse after she got a cancer and became infertile, and his third wife (Margene) had been the family the baby sister.

In the middle of Season 2, Bill begins dating a woman — a potential 4th wife — and this leads to the issue of Bill having sex outside of his plural marriage. I suppose it’s infidelity, but he’s already having regular sex with three women. None of his wives are thrilled about the fact that they have to share their husband, and now they have to share him with someone he’s not even married to! But their religion condones it, so they cannot really object. It was situations like these that made the show so compelling and different from everything else on TV.

Big Love could be devilishly subtle about Bill’s selfishness and sex drive. This season, we learned that Bill’s Christmas gift to Margene last year was a bathroom scale — and she had been pregnant at the time. The show didn’t dwell on the gift; the moment went by pretty quick; but the implications of the gift were clear.

For the longest time I could not figure out the relationship between Bill and Nicki. Nicki caused so many problems that by Season 4 I thought it was ridiculous that she was never thrown out of the family. But I came to realize that Bill needs her more than any of his other wives. She’s the only wife who 100% believes in plural marriage and all the religious aspects associated with it. Bill’s sexual desires and autocratic rule of his own family are justified through his religious beliefs — he’s merely doing what the lord wants. So her religious devotion helps him validate his lifestyle. And at the end of the day, Nicki is the most dedicated wife because she has spiritual needs that she believes only Bill can fulfill because he’s her priesthood holder. Barb and Margene may outgrow Bill, but Nicki never will.

Let’s talk about the final episodes (WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD):

The major arc of the final season was Bill and Barb’s potentially breakup. Over the course of the series Barb began to realize that she had spiritual needs that were not being fulfilled. Because she had been excommunicated from the Mormon LDS church, she looked to Bill to fulfill those needs. By the end of Season 4 it was clear that this wasn’t working.

Barb has a calling to be a priesthood holder, but Bill’s church will not allow women to hold the priesthood. It’s not so much a broad feminist struggle, but more about wanting to be an equal within the marriage. The Henricksons Family is fiefdom ruled by Bill. Everyone — wives, children, parents, in-laws, siblings, etc. — is dependent on him economically and spiritually. He is literally their road to salvation. Barb going to another church is a direct threat to his authority — if she can find spiritual fulfillment from another source besides her husband, that means he’s a phony.

So the whole season was building to Barb leaving, but then in the last 10 minutes, the show decided to end on a happy note. Barb decides not to leave Bill’s church, and then Bill gives in to Barb’s equal rights demands (even though he had to get shot to do it). This all rang hollow for me. Bill is such a selfish person that he would go to the grave refusing to give any ground. His self proclaimed infallibility allows him to have sex with whatever woman he wants and keep a tightfisted grip on his household. While the show still ends with the family dissolved, it should have ended with Bill all alone with Nicki — a hateful woman who has never been as sexually appealing as Margene, or provided the companionship of Barb.