ALOHA (review)

Review by Caitlyn Thompson

I’m really disappointed in Cameron Crowe.

From the genius story, script, and performances that made Jerry McGuire an Oscar-worthy and winning film, Crowe now presents the half-assed, nonsensical bullshit version that is Aloha.

And with such an incredible cast it actually hurts me to say that this film was garbage.

I can’t provide an accurate synopsis because I genuinely don’t know what this film was about.

Really. I don’t.

There’s a bit of a love triangle. There’s some corruption.

I didn’t follow.

After thirteen years a douche-bag of a dude, Brian Gilcrest (Bradley Cooper), comes to make a shady deal.

Promise, that’s all I can explain.

Brian sees his bitter ex-girlfriend Tracy (Rachel McAdams). There’s a lot of tension – WHY?

It’s been thirteen years, she’s married, has two children, and a basically mute husband, Woody (John Krasinski).

Okay… Enter the intensely eager fighter pilot, Allison Ng (Emma Stone) whose sole purpose is to make a better man of our main character. Her forced and frantic demeanor are off-putting and undesirable.

But let me be clear about the “love” business of this film.

Stone and Cooper have zero chemistry—I don’t buy any attraction or romantic potential whatsoever.

Crowe doesn’t even attempt to make them have any authentic form of relationship. And McAdams, usually charming and sweet, is obnoxious and irrational. The characters really don’t have any decent qualities.

I suppose I tolerated Aloha because it was shot in the serene environment of Hawaii. The soundtrack is typically native and calming. And let’s be real, the entire cast is gorgeous. But how could Crowe have seen a success anywhere in his film? It’s entirely disingenuous and an utter insult to the talent of the cast.

And what is Bill Murray doing in this film? He’s a sort of high class evil boss-man? I guess so… The dialogue couldn’t tell me—literally there were words coming out of everyone’s mouth but nobody was saying anything. I wanted to shout, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You’re not even saying anything!”

Aloha is an underdeveloped pompous film that’s is truly incomprehensible.

And again, not because it’s complex, but because there is no story.

Not okay from the man who gave us Say Anything, Almost Famous, and Jerry McGuire.

Really. Not okay.