Since we don’t live in a clothing-optional society, we here at FOG! have picked out a plethora of cool-looking options that will hide all your lumps, bumps and…I can’t think of another word that rhymes so let’s just say, unsightly body accoutrements. I’m not judging or anything, trust me, last night I ate an entire box of stale crackers simply because they were “there” so, I need these things just as much as you do…and, they make insanely good gifts as well so there’s that.
Yep, I really nailed this intro.
Kim Jong-il had many titles during his life: Party Center, Superior Person, Respected Leader, Wise Leader, Brilliant Leader, Unique Leader, Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have, Commander-in-Chief, Father of the People, Sun of the Communist Future, Shining Star of Paektu Mountain, Guiding Sun Ray, Leader of the Revolutionary Armed Forces, Guarantee of the Fatherland’s Unification, Symbol of the Fatherland’s Unification, Fate of the Nation, Beloved Father, Leader of the Party, the country, and the Army, Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander, Sun of Socialism, Great Man, Who Descended From Heaven, Invincible and Ever-triumphant General, Great Man, Who Is a Man of Deeds, Savior, Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love…well, you get the point.
A man who has to carry all of these titles needs a t-shirt that exemplifies the true awesomeness of his being and so, the Glorious Shirt of Dear Leader was created.
I think they did a pretty good job if you ask me and in no way will wearing this in public upset anyone.
For those of you who are unaware, Data and Geordi were the original nerdy Sherlock and Watson on STNG and, although I am still kind of confused about how just telling the Holodeck computer to make a mystery complicated for Data allowed for the creation of a sentient Moriarty, I still love this shirt designed by artist Matt Haley (note: I didn’t fact check my memory with Memory Alpha because I’m tired).
And yes, the clothing styles are totally Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman but it all meshes particularly well don’t you think?
This is a chicken-shaped handbag.
I don’t think I need to egg-splain anything more.
Kitteh doesn’t appreciate when the food bowl is empty so you should probably do what kitteh wants…you know, if you don’t want the house to blow-up.
This tee will provide a nice reminder that the bowl must remain filled…or else.
Pump up your fashion jam with this throwback to 80s Boombox bag, capable of holding tons of mix-tapes, slap bracelets, jelly shoes and Sweet Valley High books (and a few objects from this time period as well)
You’re gonna look so rad.
You’re Not the Boss of Me Socks
When it’s difficult to express your true feelings to the world for fear that someone will punch you in the face (or fire you), you can always wear them on your feet where no one will see.
It’s a nice passive-aggressive way to say “Screw You!” to an authoritarian environment while still obeying the status quo.
You never know when you are going to have to flee the country so it’s best to be prepared. And with the ScotteVest you won’t need to worry if you have all your important stuff with you. With 10 pockets (including: two handwarmers, one interior divide, one elasticized change pocket, and two more drop-ins, split chest pockets with magnetic closures and one pocket large enough to hold a tablet) you are going to be covered my friend.
Oh, and don’t worry about feeling out-of-sorts from carrying so much stuff, the hoodie has a weight distribution system so it’ll feel as if you aren’t carrying a thing.
If James Bond wasn’t as debonaire, he would definitely sport this jacket.
Wu-Tang Clan 36 Chambers of Death Baby Xmas Sweater
You can enter the 36 Chambers of Death Kid, but make sure you are prepared for the storm…
Yes, you are really seeing what you think you’re seeing, there is an officially licensed Wu-Tang Christmas sweater that you can throw on your child and take him/her over to Grandma’s house in.
But don’t despair, there are also adult sizes available too so you and your entire family can honor the clan this holiday season.
The Regal Beagle Cocktail Lounge Tee
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| via fivefingertees.com |
Honor the late John Ritter with this faux tourist tee for the Three’s Company Regal Beagle Cocktail Lounge.
If anyone asks you where the lounge is, tell them it resides in your heart.
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| via fivefingertees.com |
“This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I’m talkin’ to whoever’s listenin’ out there.
Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake.
Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol’ storm right square in the eye and he says, ‘Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it’.”
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| via fivefingertees.com |
If you happen to wear this tee while on a flight, don’t make the same mistake that Indy did in The Temple of Doom…pack a parachute.
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| via fivefingertees.com |
The Big Kahuna burger is mighty tasty…or so say Jules and trust me, you do not want to contradict him.
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| via 80stees.com |
Being an immortal Highlander until your head gets cut off by The Kurgan can make for some very long and lonely nights. But thankfully, a shirt made from 100% pre-shrunk cotton can be comforting.
The Muppets: Electric Mayhem Tee
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| via 80stees.com |
The hottest house band in the world rocks The Muppet Theater night after night. This shirt features the all-star line up of Dr. Teeth, Janet, Floyd, Zoot, and Animal.“Can you picture that?”
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| via 80stees.com |
If you’re spending an afternoon searching for One-Eyed Willie’s treasure this shirt is a must have; it’s bright enough that you can be seen and it’s easy to remember if your body needs to be identified after running into the Fratellis. The shirt depicts the film’s logo and silhouettes of Data, Mikey, Stef, Mouth, Chunk, Sloth, Andy and Brand.Now do the Truffle Shuffle…
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| via 80stees.com |
For the love of Boof, stop doing handstands on top of Stiles’ wolfmobile and making a fool of yourself. Go chase a car or mailman or something.
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| via 80stees.com |
For anyone who spent a childhood with the Children’s Television Workshop, this Grover shirt depicts a classic lesson that most of us learned on the Street.
Golden Age Comics Tyvek Mighty Wallet
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| via superherostuff.com |
If you’re gonna lay down some serious cheese for a 3-day Comic-Con pass then you might as well fish out the funds from a wallet that demonstrates how much you love the geeky life.
Am I right?
Justice League Vector Head Tee
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| via superherostuff.com |
If you prefer your nerdom to be minimalist, then the floating heads of Batman, Flash, Superman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Red Tornado, Green Arrow, Hawkman, Aquaman and Wonder Woman should be right up your alley.
You know, after reaching a certain age in life it’s kind of nice to mellow out on your dorkitude.
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| via superherostuff.com |
I guess we can thank James Gunn for bringing Guardians of the Galaxy to the masses and for making Rocket Raccoon and Groot as popular as that Elsa person from Frozen but I can forgive him because the movie was a delightful madhouse of fun and filled with a bit more sass then the rest of the Marvel franchise. Old school fans know this image from the old Rocket Raccoon mini series from 1985 by Bill Mantlo and artist Mike Mignola.
Although, to be honest, I was always kinda partial to Cosmo the telepathic Space Dog myself.
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| via superherostuff.com |
What I love about this shirt is that it reminds me of something I would have worn back in my childhood in the 70s…probably while playing t-ball…or maybe watching fireworks on the 4th of July.Then again, I might have seen this at a kiosk back on Tatooine back when I was shooting womp rats on my way to Tosche Station.
God, those were some good times…and a great movie.
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| via neatoshop.com |
The girl power of the 70s that influenced me were, in this order: Wonder Woman, Bionic Woman, Electra Woman and DynaGirl, Col. Wilma Deering from Buck Rogers, Athena from the original Battlestar Galactica and Isis.
And yes, that still holds true for me today…although I would probably add Starbuck from the Battlestar Galactica re-boot.
But the tee is still awesome as is.
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| via neatoshop.com |
The bottle city of Kandor does seem like a the kind of place that the magic of Disney could beautifully illuminate…is it so far-fetched to believe that one day a Seal Team 6-like band of Imagineers would stage a coup of DC and bring the entire geek universe under the flying banner of Mouse ears?Probably, but it would be interesting to see.
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| via neatoshop.com |
Mmmmm….me love t-shirts….me especially love this one….Miyazaki…nomnomnom.
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| via neatoshop.com |
The Caped Crusader gets the pixel love in the ode to old-skool video games…too bad it doesn’t come with a built-in speaker playing Bee-Boop music…that would have been fun.
Star Wars Chewy and Han Fighting Japanese Style Tee
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| via tvstoreonline.com |
Like the website says:
If you’ve ever wanted to be one of the true rebels in the Rebel Alliance, why not show it off in style? This officially licensed Star Wars t-shirt features both Han Solo and Chewbacca in heated battle, making it an excellent choice for any die hard fan who’s looking to show some love for Chewy and Han. Let the world know about the most awesome team in the history of science fiction with this awesome Japanese animated Rebel Alliance t-shirt!
Sanford and Son “You Big Dummy” Tee
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| via tvstoreonline.com |
Most parents have cute little nicknames for their children but no one had a better term of endearment bestowed upon them than Lamont from Sanford and Son…
Dummy.
I’m sure that in Fred’s mind calling his son that day-in-and-day-out was as sentimental as calling someone Sweetie Pie and in no way impeded Lamont’s emotional growth as a human being .
The perfect tee to wear to family functions when you’re feeling particularly spunky.
The Church of the SubGenius holds many truths, but perhaps not as much as this faux canvas messenger bag emblazoned with the church’s figurehead, J.R. Bob Dobbs can, you know, once you move around some of that truth so you can fit a sandwich, a 3DS, a few Flying Spaghetti monster pamphlets and four-pack of Monster energy drinks.
Really, there’s a lot of room in this baby.
Video Game “Insert Coin To Play” Necklace
Remember the good ole days when your entire weekly allowance was lost to the Joust arcade game? Remember how you felt adding your initials (or spelling the word “ASS” when you reached a high score? Remember how you thought that the high you felt playing this game would never end?
Well it did, and all you have to show for those lost hours playing a game no one liked was the permanent impression of the joystick embedded into the webbing between your thumb and your index finger.
So go ahead and buy this truly cool pendent necklace and remember all of it…and how you will never get that time back (seriously, you could have played something cooler like Toobin’ or Burger Time…but Joust?)
1960s Demon Girls Art Print Tee by E. K. McDonnell
You want something a bit more arty than your typical pop culture tee but still has tinges of nerdiness?
E. K. McDonnell has you covered with this less zombie, more demony 60s chicks fitted tee…isn’t kind of sweet that how retro the blood and goo look?
Justice League of America Assemble Tee
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| via nerdkungfu.com |
When you are looking for a tee that is simply a shout-out to the world to see your geek cred, you can’t go wrong with a classic heather grey shirt covered in your favorite DC characters as depicted by the inimitable Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez.
Keep it simple people and let your nerd shine on.
BJ and the Bear “Keep On Truckin” Tee
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| via nerdkungfu.com |
During the 70s the public was in love with chimps (or orangutans), long-road trucking, CBs and ornery sheriffs with truly f*cked up names like Elroy P. Lobo. In the TV show BJ and the Bear we have all of these, plus BJ (played by My Two Dads‘ Greg Evigan) gets to solve crimes with his pet chimp, Bear.
Which I’m assuming happens a lot in the trucking world.
So thank you 70s TV for making my childhood filled with weirdness, I will wear this tee as a token of my gratitude.
Stephen King Recycled Book Purse
Show your love for the Horror Master himself by carrying around an upcycled book purse stuffed full of paraphernalia to commit murder.
Or, you know, a wallet and some Tic-Tacs…yeah, that’ll probably work out better.
The Iron Giant Looks To The Stars Tee
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| via nerdkungfu.com |
Dammit, this Iron Giant tee is just too cute not to own, especially if you are like me and have decided to start a Vin Diesel voice actor t-shirt collection.
And yeah, that is a thing…now that he has added Groot to his IMDB list…don’t judge me.
The Six Million Dollar Man “I See You” Tee
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| via nerdkungfu.com |
And he does, because he has that bionic eye and stuff.
The Vixens Girl Gang Founding Member Tote Bag
If any of my fellow chicks wanna start a girl gang, I’ve picked out our tote bags (designed by Stephanie Buscema).
I leave the color of our Vespas up to you guys, but I’ll be honest, I’m hoping for pink.
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| via nerdkungfu.com |
Wear this seriously Way, Way Back tee to an old folks home and you will be the king of pudding day…but you should also wear it because Howdy Doody was pretty damn rad…but still, King of Pudding Day?
That’s sounds kinda awesome.
If you happen to be heading into Philly anytime soon, represent your favorite character from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia with this Charlie T-Shirt. It’s either this or Rum Ham and Kitten Mittons™.
Charlie would thank you for it.
Troy and Abed In the Morning Tote
You can’t read this tote without singing can you?
And guess what?
No one else can either.
John Carpenter/The Carpenters Tee
We’ve only just begun to OBEY.
I’m telling you right now, if anyone Pour(s) Some Sugar On Me while I’m Dressed to Kill in this T-shirt….someone is going to get their ass thoroughly kicked.
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